Tell Me…

If you are a writer, there is nothing as daunting as a blinking cursor. Nothing as taunting as that little black line, blinking away daring you to write but you have no words so you just sit there and stare, stare at it until you slam your laptop close in frustration. There is nothing as frustrating as reaching for your phone because you thought you heard a beep only to find that it was a phantom beep; no one sent you a message, no one is calling.  Your mind is playing tricks on you because you want your phone to beep, you want a call or text or something! nothing as painful as scrolling through your timeline, seeing your friends celebrating milestones, and achieving great things. There is nothing quite like sucking it up, repressing that surge of envy and typing them a congratulatory message…

“So and so asked me out and I don’t want to date any of them, I don’t have the time to date because I am trying to…” it’s painful to hear because you cannot relate but you smile anyway. The only man that has spoken to you in months is the doorman at your apartment, asking you if you had a good day and telling you that you have mail. Tell me what is worse than seeing your plans unravel, adjusting and resizing your dreams because they just won’t work out like you hope they would. Does it get lonelier that screaming in the shower and standing there till the hot water runs out and you are forced to get out of the tub?

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A lonely street…photo Credit: Me

What bigger lie is there than “I am fine”? Even when everything inside of you aches, when uncertainty and doubts and insecurities have pitched tents in your head, but you smile anyway because it is easier to say “I’m fine” than to try and explain why you cry yourself to sleep every night. What hurts more when your friends fail to support you and be there for you when you need them the most? Or when you stop confiding in them altogether because your problems are starting to sound depressing even to you? So the bottle of henney you stashed away in your room becomes your best friend and you spend hours and hours on social media because it feels good to watch funny videos and to read about other people’s misfortune for a change…

Your social media presence is quite strong, your posts and pictures are carefully selected, and well picked out and the likes are pouring in by the numbers. But then you make the mistake of  giving  yourself the false belief that if people don’t like you in real life, at least they like your pictures and status updates. Tell me what is more ignorant than saying “Oh, He/She is fine, I saw their status update and pictures the other day” don’t you know that people are not all they seem to post? We often lie to ourselves, especially we Africans that everything is alright, that all is well. Nobody takes mental health seriously and if you say you want to see a shrink or seek psychiatric help, you are instantly labelled crazy.

This probably wasn’t a happy post to read was it? But it’s real, and if we tell ourselves the truth, we have all found ourselves in one or more of the aforementioned situations. Lend a listening ear, a hug, your time or whatever it is you can if you sense that the people you love might need it. Do something!

This is real, I am one to talk; I should know.

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

You say you’re ‘depressed’ – all I see is resilience. You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective – it just means you’re human.”― David Mitchell

 

2016 Review; The good, the bad, and how did that happen?

And just like that, 2016 has become last year; it finally ended. *sigh of relief* Happy new year guys! I hope you had a good Christmas celebration? So Facebook sent me a video last year, something about 2016 in review and I was shocked to see that I liked five thousand posts in 2016! Five what? Wow! So spending less time on Facebook is definitely on my to do list this year. Watching the video made me decide to look back at the year I had…

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2016, where do I even begin? I guess I will begin with the good. I am thankful for my health in 2016, the devil tried it fam! But God… I had the most severe chest pains I have ever had in my life, it literally took my breath away, breathing became torture and at some point I found myself in an ambulance and then the ER. I fought with my blood pressure all year, but I won and for that I am super thankful for the gift of good health. My only sister/best friend/better half got married to the love of her life and I got to come home and it was beautiful. Words cannot explain how beautiful it was and that was definitely the high point of my year. I had my graduation after successfully completing my MBA, and I got a job too. These are  by no means the only good things that happened to me this year but they were the highlights for me.

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Graduation day! 

Now for the bad, My country is in recession, Trump is about to move into the White House *shivers*, a bunch of my favorite celebrities died inexplicably, so many senseless killings, I could go on and on. I don’t want to say that 2016 was a horrible year, but it came pretty close and I cannot lie, I heaved a sigh of relief when it ended. Personally, 2016 whooped me pretty good, I honestly thank God for helping me hold on because at some point I had to ask myself: who did I offend, why me? My faith was sorely tested, I was pushed to my limits, and some things happened to me that my mouth just hung open in utter shock and disbelief, and it just seemed like no matter how hard I tried, I was never enough, but there are always lessons to be learned from hard times and Oh! I learned plenty.

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My mum,my sister and I

So Bobrisky became famous and is moving into a million Naira mansion really soon, how did that happen? The Dollar almost became five hundred to one Naira, how did that happen? Donald Trump won the election, again how did that happen? People who I honestly thought were my friends showed me they really weren’t and rendered me speechless, well I think I know how that happened, but still how did that happen? And the most painful of them all is that Game of Thrones is ending this year? And they won’t even give us the usual ten episodes? Common!

After all is said and done, 2016 was a year of lessons for me, and I paid apt attention and learned everyone of them. I really don’t make New Year resolutions because I never keep them, who does? But I do know that this year, things have to change. All the stupidity and unnecessary anger and strife from 2016 will definitely not follow me into 2017. Nobody will live rent free in my head, meaning no more anger and bitterness. I am not cutting anybody off in the New Year because there really isn’t anyone to cut! LOL other than my family, the people that matter to me can be counted on my hands and that suits me because less is more.

I wish you all God’s best this year, let us make this year count. Let this be the do over year, the year to put into practice all the lessons 2016 taught us, the year we learn how to say NO to  toxic people and situations, the year we become generous with our time, money and resources, to ourselves and to others, they year we actually live! Go places we have dreamed of and living vivaciously. I truly hope that this New Year brings us happiness, and peace and love…

I look forward to so many good things this year and I hope they all come true; I am also looking forward to the return of all my favorite TV shows; Game of Thrones, Greys Anatomy, Scandal, How To Get Away with Murder, Mistresses, This is Us, Pitch, Insecure and all the others.

Happy New Year my people! What are you looking forward to the most in 2017?

“And now we welcome the New Year. Full of things that have never been”. –Rainer Maria Rilke

“If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who I am.”- Cyril Cusack

 

 

 

On Hand Writings & The Big Chop

Hey guys, its me again! Remember me? Your best friend?, LOL

A lot has happened since the last time, but before I catch you up, lets do this quick little handwriting tag. Since Mfon @daintyM could not be bothered to tag me, I decided to tag myself. Apparently you’re supposed to write a few things in your handwriting and post it on here, so here goes:

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I actually had fun writing this, I don’t remember the last time I actually sat down to put pen to paper and to write something, I am so used to taking notes on my phone. I can only hope my handwriting is legible enough. OK that’s a lie, I wrote my grocery list today, but it was barely legible.

In other news, I haven’t written in so long because I would have bled all over the pages and it might have been a little sad, and maybe hard to decipher. But as always, I have risen above and I am also working on a way to share my struggles and victories with you guys, so that even if it encourages only one person I can rejoice in it.

I cut my hair! So I took the plunge and did the big chop, and I must say it is the most therapeutic thing I ever did, I didn’t think I could and other than the slight twinge of emotion I felt when I saw all my hair on the floor, I haven’t had a single moment of regret and can I just say that feeling the water run down my head everyday in the shower is THE BEST FEELING EVER!!!

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So this is it guys, watch this space though, I will post some stuff this weekend and it will be good!

Love,

Adaugo

“Irony, we want our handwriting to look like typed fonts, and our computer fonts to look like handwritten text.”
Vikrmn Corpkshetra

“How to get over your EX? Get over him that’s how!”-random lady on the bus

 (totally unrelated to this post, but watch this space this weekend)

My Most Embarrassing Moment!…

 

I was rummaging through my stuff this evening and I stumbled across a journal from my teens. I didn’t even know I had it here with me and I was quite happy to find it, so I sat in my closet reading some of the entries and laughing at my typos and silly abbreviations and all my long emotional rants about boys but I stopped in my tracks when I flipped the page, the first line that jumped at me was THE MOST EMBARRASSING DAY OF MY LIFE!!! I am pretty sure I read the whole page in one minute, it felt so good to read what my seventeen year old self had written. I wrote this particular journal in capital letters so it was pretty serious! So I thought I would share so that we could laugh at my seventeen year old self together.

I like to think that I was a serious minded teenager, I was very intent on passing my WAEC and GCE exams on my first try so I was doing a lot of studying at the time. Plus my sister ratted on me to my dad and showed him my stack of love letters (covering my face in shame) and my dad in his fury and rage chopped my long black, healthy mane of hair. He said the length of my hair was getting into my head. Oh! The nights I stayed up mourning my sudden unplanned baldness.

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As a teenager and probably till date, I copied my mum’s every move, after all the woman is my best friend! I learned to cook like her, make up like her and  even write like her. Yes, you guessed it my mum and I have very similar hand writings I could sign her checks lol, anyway at that time I was trying to copy her dress sense as well. So my cool cousin was having a party and she invited me. My mum of course stepped in as my fashion consultant and told me that I should wear a skirt suit and a hat since I was trying to cover my shaved head! Guys, a skirt suit and a leopard print hat, to a party that had only sixteen to twenty year olds, sigh. While I was dressing up I remember my aunt asking me if I was going to church or a party, but my mum had filled my head with how I was going to be the most decently dressed and that I was going to stand out from the crown who wore jeans. Boy did I stand out!

So off I went to this party, clad in my peep toes, slightly baggy navy blue suit and my leopard skin hat. I got to the party and I walked in, I will never forget the silence that descended on the room. Everyone went still for a couple of seconds and to my greatest shock laughter erupted around the room. I was still unsure why they were laughing till I looked around and saw that I was the square in the circle, the only suit in a sea of jeans… the rest of the party was a blur but as if the fact that I was mortified wasn’t enough, they had to play this hideous game called the devil’s basket.

So they asked this guy to pick three random girls and then to slap one, hug one and kiss one. When he pointed at me I thought well, how much more worse can it get? Little did I know. I watched him hug the first girl, kiss the second girl on the cheek, and before I had the time to process the fact that I was about to get slapped, a hot slap landed on my face. Now the slap in itself was not painful but the wave of humiliation that washed over me, was so intense it made me run to the door to get the hell out of there but unfortunately there was still more. In my haste to exit the party I didn’t see the stool in front of me so I fell, face flat on the ground,my skirt ripped and my hat fell off. Sigh, that was not my finest moment and that till date it’s the reason why I don’t wear skirt suits, why I still cant go to parties alone, or walk into a room full of people by myself and its the reason why I always ask for the dress code for every event I attend! Its funny now but back then, it wasn’t. I was so mad at my mum and everyone for weeks…

So that’s it guys! Straight from my journal. I would love to hear your most embarrassing stories as well, hit up the comments and let us laugh at our selves.

Side note: 101 posts, almost 200 followers and 6,000 views later, I just want to remind you guys how much you mean to me and to thank you all so much for reading my little old blog!

Have a blessed week!

It’s a good giggle to look back at yourself in your teens and in your 20s. You thought you were so fierce and fabulous, and it’s just embarrassing.”Tabatha Coffey

Imagine.

 

Dear Diary,

This has been on my mind for a while now. Why is it so hard to just be real these days? To actually say what we mean to say? When did we get to the point of suffering and smiling, of telling lies so easily instead of just calling it what it is?

Imagine.

Imagine a world where a guy and a girl have their first date and totally hate it, so instead of faking it  if they just told each other that they weren’t feeling it and called it a day. Not  letting a meaningless and clueless relationship form.  A relationship that will drag on for weeks and maybe months and not add any value, but waste time that cannot be recovered. Imagine a world where we tell ourselves and our friends the truth, rather than lying to them and giving them half hearted advice, telling them what they want to hear rather than telling them the truth that will make them better. Imagine a world where we didn’t have to tolerate one another.  A world where If you don’t like or regard someone, they do not have to be in your life, in your head space or on your social media! It is ok to unfollow them, or leave their life, rather than hanging around and acting like the friend you know you aren’t and then trashing them behind their backs.

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Imagine a world where people keep their word, where they do what they said they would do in the first place? Where it’s ok to say to no and not be hated for it. Imagine a world where you can voice your opinion when you don’t agree with something rather than nodding like zombies and accepting everything just so you can appear cool and be liked. where it is ok to call a spade a spade and not a big spoon.

Imagine a world where we live our life to please those who actually need to be pleased. A life that honors the God who gave us life and can take it, the parents who brought us into this world, and a few people that  matter. A world where we don’t have to bend over backwards to be liked…

It’s hard to imagine that the world will ever be like that, but I owe it to myself to start acting like it, and maybe you should too. To treat my own corner of the world like the precious place that it is, to dedicate my head space and mind and attention to the things that actually matter and have eternal value, to stop chasing the love and affections of people who don’t care, and to treat life like the priceless gift that it is because every minute wasted can never be regained.

Imagine.

The Wasabi Chronicles…

 

It was a long week. Coupled with the health scare I had and all the stress that came with it, I was so ready for the weekend. So here I was heading home when my friends texted me to find out if I wanted to have dinner, happy to catch up with them, I rerouted my journey and proceeded to go meet them.

Fast forward about one hour later, we arrived the restaurant and ordered our dinner. I was going to quietly order the house fried rice that my Nigerian self was familiar with; I really was but then my girl Miss K said to try sushi. Soon chants of “try something new!” were ringing in my ears and I decided to give it a try. I’ve had sushi before but it was always a stolen bite here and there from my friends, I had never ordered a whole platter before. There’s always a first time, I thought to myself. So the food arrived and it looked beautiful, very well plated and I was excited to dive in.

Feeling very brave, I decided to put the thought that I was about to eat a bunch of raw fish out of my mind and just enjoy the feeling of being adventurous and trying something new. Then came the chopsticks. I politely asked for a fork because I didn’t know what to do with the chopsticks (I’m sure the fact that I’m a village girl is glaring to you by now lol!) “No, use the chopsticks; you shouldn’t use a fork to eat sushi” they said. So I picked up the sticks.

First attempt; awkward laughter. Second attempt; mild annoyance that two flimsy chopsticks were defeating me. Third attempt; one of the sticks snapped in two! At this point, I retired the sticks and reverted to my default setting aka my hands. Now, next to the sushi and the eel sauce was some weird looking stuff. I tasted the first one and my semi refined taste buds could tell that it was some sort of pickled ginger. I love ginger so I really liked it. Feeling brave, I decided to taste the other stuff next to the ginger…pause. As the 9ja girl that I am, having lived in Lagos all my life I thought I knew pepper, I honestly thought no spicy food could faze me, boy was I wrong! Unpause; so I scooped the green stuff which I now know as wasabi into my mouth.

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Nothing, I repeat nothing could have prepared me for the explosion of heat that happened in my mouth! Frankly, it left me temporarily deaf and dumb. I think I went a little blind too. I saw stars, I gulped my sweet tea as fast I could and it didn’t help, my friends were hollering in laughter and somehow I managed to laugh with them too. #embarrassed. Eventually I regained feeling in my mouth and I solemnly ate my sushi sans wasabi.

I finally settled down and enjoyed my meal, but it is safe to say that wasabi and I have become sworn enemies henceforth. It won’t stop me from exploring though, because at the end of the day I am just a Nigerian girl, trying to learn new things and experience new cultures.

Ps: I had been looking for the hash key on my keyboard for the longest time and I just couldn’t find it, only for me to just randomly stumble upon it just now! This goes to show that you find good things when you aren’t too busy searching for them, so I’m just going to type a bunch of hash signs for no good reason…################ Ok, it’s out of my system now.

“I think the most wonderful thing in the world is another chef. I’m always excited about learning new things about food.” –Paul Prudhomme

7 Is Not 87!…

 

Today was one of those days. Sometimes, I  believe that these things happen to me so I can learn valuable life lessons and subsequently share them with you guys. So today, I needed to go to Sandy Springs and I had to take two buses and a train. I took the first bus, then the train and then I got to the bus top to wait for my last bus. The bus schedule on weekends are not the most reliable, so I knew that I had to wait for this bus and I did wait, but I got antsy and I got hungry and I wanted to go! I looked behind me and I saw a similar bus boarding, so I walked up to the driver and asked him if he was going my way. Now, I don’t know if it was the fact that I talk faster than normal, or because of my Nigerian accent but for some reason, though the driver did not understand me, he nodded his head yes to all the questions I was asking him so I assumed that he understood me and I got on the bus and took my seat.

When I got on the bus though I had this nagging feeling that I was on the wrong bus. I couldn’t shake the feeling but I ignored it because I convinced myself that the bus was headed to the city I was going to and I thought it would be alright so I sat down. While I was waiting for the bus to board, I saw bus 87, the bus I was supposed to take pull up. I knew I was supposed to come down and take the right bus, but it was still empty and bus 7, the bus I was in was full and about to go so I sat back, ignored the voice of reason and left with bus 7.

As soon as the bus took off, I knew without a shadow of doubt that I had taken the wrong bus, in fact while I was staring out the window looking for familiar landmarks, I saw bus 87 drive past us and I felt utterly stupid. Long story short this bus took me to the other side of town and thirty eight stops and almost two hours later, I found myself back at square one, back to the train station. So I had to take the train again to get to Dunwoody so that I could take the bus 87 that I was supposed to take in the first place! Imagine my frustration. So I had to tuck my tail between my legs, eat some imaginary humble pie and patiently wait for my bus so I could be on my way and finally I made it to sandy springs! The journey that was supposed to take me an hour and half ended up taking almost four hours all because I got impatient and took the wrong bus.

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I am sure that the lesson in my mistake is pretty clear. Shortcuts aren’t always the best. It pays to stay the course and follow the due process in every situation we find ourselves in. Cutting corners never pays anyone. Most times, the consequences for cutting corners are so bad that we will end up regretting why on earth we didn’t just take the high road and do it right the first time. In my case I had to go all the way back to the train station, to the point where I made the mistake in the first place so I could fix it, imagine having to do that in real life; having to suffer through a painful divorce because you rushed into a marriage you know was never meant to be, or having to lose your job for making a decision you had no business making, it could be anything. Always listen to that voice in your head that cautions you just before you do something stupid, nine times out of ten I have gotten into trouble because I ignored that voice. Some mistakes are avoidable and there really isn’t any point in making them, learn from me…

If you take shortcuts, you get cut short.” – Gary Busey