On Broken Teeth and Broken Roofs..

So I mentioned a while ago that my tooth mysteriously broke right? Right. So this tooth broke and I was living in terrible pain for months. My nerves were exposed so I could neither eat nor drink nor chew nor even smile. I was in deep torment but I did not want to deal with the extraction. However, last week I bit the bullet and went in for a tooth extraction and though I am still recovering from the process, I feel awesome! I feel so relieved, I am gradually able to chew again, to smile again, to do all those things I couldn’t do and it has been bliss.

Now, let us liken a broken or decayed tooth to the friends we have. The Bible tells us of a man who was paralyzed and bed ridden and was in a very helpless situation. His friends heard that the Lord Jesus was in town and they took their friend to go see him. When they got there the place was so packed that there was literally no path to carry their bed ridden friend inside the building. When it seemed like all hope was lost, they looked up and saw the roof and then they climbed up to what I will assume was someone else’s house and they broke the roof. When the roof caved in, they lowered their friend in until he lay at the feet of Jesus. Of course this caught the Lord’s attention and when he looked at the faith of his friends, the sheer ferocity with which they believed that He would heal their friend, He said the word and the man who had been carried in through the roof, got up and walked.

This is to me is friendship, love in its purest form. When they got the house and found it full, they could have been discouraged and left but they didn’t, they broke the damn roof of a building that did not belong to them! They did the impossible, they believed for their friend who did not believe as much as they did and that singular act brought about their friends healing. Let me ask you what I have been asking myself; will the friends you have right now break the roof for you literally or figuratively? Will they go the extra mile to see that all is well with you? Do they pray for you, correct you, encourage you, cover in you love, defend you and put your needs above their own? Will they open their home to you if you need shelter or their wallets to you when you are in need? If they do not, then perhaps this is worth thinking about. I do not take friendship lightly, I never have. It is a sacred bond, and a very big deal to open up to someone, let them in, and tell them your deepest thoughts and dreams, to love them even when they sometimes hurt you, to tell them things about you and your past that very few people on earth know, not even your parents! that to me is sacred and is not an opportunity to be given at random.

My tooth was broken and hurting and it had to go. People that add no value to you have to go. I have been asking myself how good a friend I am; will I break the roof for my friends? I will also be the first to admit that I am not always a good friend, I become so self involved in my own issues and I forget that others need me and are going through issues too, and I am trying to change. I have few friends, and I love them and pray for them and cover them as much as I can, I will not rest on my oars though, I will keep striving till I become that friend that the Bible teaches us about, the friend that sticks closer than a brother/sister.

Ps: My beautiful, precious, adorable niece is here and I will share her pictures and her birth story in the next post so watch this space!

True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island… to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him or her is a blessing.”- Baltasar Gracian

 

Dear Late Bloomer…

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Dear late bloomer,

Other flowers might seem pretty and charming and quick to bloom…

Their leaves dazzling to the eyes, their scents delightful to smell,

People pass over you to pick their shiny petals,

And gift them to each other as a symbol of love and hope…

But in the midst of the shinny and bright, the colorful and dainty,

There lies you. Sturdy and a little hidden, tendrils barely reaching out.

Never given a second thought, never picked or fawned over.

Often bent in order to reach the lovelier ones,

But fret not late bloomer, fret not..

For the Master knows just what He’s doing.

Be patient and allow yourself to grow, to be pruned, to flourish…

Because in due time, Just when the time is right,

You will bloom!

And Oh! You will be shinier and more colorful than any flower that ever was and ever will be.

And because God took His time with you, those that skipped you will flee back…

Lines will form just for you, for your beauty and resilience will be echoed around the world.

So Dear late bloomer,

Fret not…grow and bloom at your own pace,

‘Cos soon, you will be the belle of the ball.

And I know this because I am just like you…

 -Adaugo 2016

How To Get Over Your Ex!…

Breakups are  never easy, especially when you were really in love and had grand plans for the future, but like death, rain and taxes, breakups are always bound to happen and will literally break you like the name implies and the question now becomes how to rebuild yourself.

I thought about this post long and hard because being vulnerable is not an easy thing for me and especially in this era where everyone has an opinion about things they have no business having opinions about, it’s really hard to be open and honest but for the love of writing and for my readers who are dear to my heart, I decided to share.

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I do a lot of thinking, like I literally sit on my bathroom floor or on the bus or in my closet or anywhere really and just lapse into deep thought, OK not that deep but still I think a lot and even more lately. So another year has come and gone, another new year, vals day, Easter, birthday, summer, fall, and now it’s almost winter and Christmas is around the corner and I am still single, wow. How did that happen? How did a whole year go by without anyone seeing me? Loose some weight, go out more often, do fun stuff, be open minded they said; done, done and done (well, except for the weight) but alas here we are. So I got to thinking, and thinking and thinking. What am I doing wrong? I am not the world’s biggest girl, I’m beautiful and smart, LOL it’s not by degrees right? But seriously what is it? Then a light bulb went off, maybe I wasn’t over my ex…

What??? It’s been a couple of years and I sincerely thought that I was, but it took one sentence from my friend to jolt me into the realization. So my friend and I were chatting the other day and the subject came up and he said to me: You cannot be loved because you won’t let anyone love you. I was floored by this statement and so damn mad, I was just about to lose my cool but the voice of reason kicked in and I allowed him to explain himself and when he was done, boy! The truth is always bitter, nobody likes hearing the truth but I got over myself and really listened to what he had to say and just maybe he was right…maybe I cannot be loved in this state that I’m in mentally, because I am still kind of angry about how it all ended and I have been walking around carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, unconsciously holding on to the fact that just maybe he would come back to me and we would make it work again, I could go on and on but in my thinking it was clear to me that there is only one way to get over your ex and it is this: get over yourself, and then get over him or her, in that order.

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both pics were taken on the same day(when I still had hair lol), on the right I had just cried my eyes out and wallowed in self pity quite a bit and on the left, I fixed my face, went out with some friends and blossomed in their company and in several glasses of wine soooo, it’s up to you to cheer yourself on, don’t fail yourself!

You made mistakes, so what? You wasted your precious time loving someone and then they broke your hearts and stomped all over it? What’s done is really done. No amount of reminiscing or moping around or listening to love songs will change any of the events that has already transpired, so all you can literally do is get over it!

  • Accept your portion of the blame for whatever it is that might have happened, forgive yourself and look inward to see how you can do better next time.
  • STOP stalking them on social media; not everything they post is about you, they just might have moved on and it’s time to follow suit.
  • Forgive them and let them go, because the longer you hold on to unforgiveness and bitterness and anger, guess who you’re hurting? You!
  • Fall in love with yourself, rediscover just how awesome you are, take care of you and become an even more amazing version of yourself.
  • Disband the pity party, for a night of wallowing, I prescribe three nights of going out! sitting around moping will change nothing!
  • A rebound relationship is the most stupid thing you will ever do. You don’t need to get under someone to get over your ex, I don’t even know why that quote is allowed to be a quote. Rebounds never solve anything, they are just another mistake on top your pile of mistakes.

So its time for me to take a deep breath and let go of all the sentiments, the what ifs and the reminiscing about the fun times and to just get on with my life, open minded and ready to dip my toes into the water again. Will it be easy? No matter of fact it is downright painful and especially in the world we live in today where everyone else seems to be deliriously in love and happy and living in Lala land and you’re just there. But it will be worth in the end, it has to be. How to get over your ex? Get over him or her, that’s how!

Like we always do, let’s talk about this; how have you gotten over break ups? I want to learn a thing or two or more from you guys…

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”― Mandy Hale

Grow old with me…

 

I have always been a romantic I think. All my life, as far back as I can remember I have been slightly obsessed with the notion of love. My sister and I had countless “wedding” ceremonies with our white bed sheets as my gown and veil, and of course my dolls were my babies and I would religiously bathe and feed them without fail. Any way, my point is that I have always loved love, the whole idea of it. I had a great aunt and uncle, they’ve both gone to be with the Lord now but when they were alive, boy! Their love was lit.  My Uncle was in his late nineties and his wife was in her late eighties. He was blind and she was hard of hearing but they were still so in love it was so beautiful to watch.

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One of the many highlights of my annual trip to the village was going to their house to just sit and bask in their love. Now, my aunt was a terrible cook, it was so hard to eat her meals with a straight face (if my mum or my sister reads this they’ll laugh so hard!) but yeah her food was bad. Despite the taste, you should have seen my uncle eating this food. He would eat everything and lavish praises on her telling her she was the best cook in the land, and even though he would have one of my cousins give him something else to eat later, he always ate her meals and praised her so loudly. I saw her sit on his legs countless times and though they were practically toothless, they still kissed so passionately. Eventually my uncle passed away at the ripe old age of 102 and he would tell all of us who cared to listen that the secret to his long life was God and his good wife. My aunt was so depressed after he died, she wouldn’t talk to anyone but him. She would go to his grave and sit there all day, under the sun and in the rain and tell him all about her day and only left his gave side when it was time for her to sleep. None of us were surprised when she followed him a few months later, peacefully in her sleep.

I hadn’t thought of my aunt and uncle in years until this evening when I saw this old couple on the bus. I couldn’t make out what they were saying but it was so clear that they were having a funny discussion because they kept laughing and when the old lady started crying from laughing too much, her husband used the tip of his tie to dab slowly at her eyes. She looked up at him and kissed him and my heart just melted, sigh… I couldn’t help myself so I asked them how long they’ve been married and the old lady smiled at me and said; fifty years today…

I thought about them as I walked back home, fifty years, wow! Goals, certainly. They didn’t live their lives on social media and post every little detail and gesture. They didn’t text instead of talking or post cryptic messages instead of admitting their true feelings, they did things the old school way and that’s the way I think it was always meant to be.

So Dear Future Husband, if you’re reading this: (yes, I realize how cheesy I sound) and I hope that you might be, let’s do our love the old school way, how I think things were always meant to be. Let’s laugh until we are old and toothless and embarrass our grand children with our public displays of affection, grow old with me…

In my life I have found two things of priceless worth – learning and loving. Nothing else – not fame, not power, not achievement for its own sake – can possible have the same lasting value. For when your life is over, if you can say ‘I have learned’ and ‘I have loved,’ you will also be able to say ‘I have been happy.” – Arthur C. Clarke

 

All The Things We Think Love Is, and All The Things Love Isn’t…

 

Right now, love has to be the most misused and misconstrued word that there is. It’s almost as if the entire world is fighting so hard to define what love should be, and to conceal what it actually is. Everybody has their own definition of the greatest word of all, and unfortunately it has nothing to do with what love actually is. For me, there is only one definition of love and it can be found in 1st Corinthians 13, vs: 4-8:

                ” 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”

So I started watching Scandal all over again because for some weird reason this ongoing electoral process in the States made me want to watch the early seasons again.As I was watching, I got to a scene where senator Edison, who was hopelessly in love with Olivia Pope at the time was trying to get her to love him back and think about marrying him but she wouldn’t budge. He got frustrated and asked her why and she told him that she could not love him back because loving him was easy, and that she didn’t want easy. She wanted hard, painful, difficult and complicated, she basically told him that she wanted a love that would rip her to shreds from the pain it brought and when she was done talking, the senator looked at her and said: Love is nothing like what you have just described Olivia, love shouldn’t be painful or difficult or heart breaking, if it’s all that to you then that isn’t love. Love is beautiful Olivia and it’s a shame you don’t see it.

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I have probably watched that scene like ten times; in fact, I only stopped watching it so I could write this. I kept rewinding it because that was such a profound statement. I know that Scandal is just a TV show but man! Isn’t that the truth? I love you  means less and less every day. What has love become? In fact these days, the people who literally hate you are the ones who “love” you the most. The friends slandering your name will text you and say: “hey love!” the woman enduring physical, mental and verbal abuse from her husband and the father of her children is standing in harm’s way because maybe she thinks that’s his own way of showing her that he “loves” her. The married man who is simultaneously cheating on his wife and stringing his mistress along happens to be in “love ” with all the women in his life. The guy who has no intention of marrying the girl he’s with and sees no future with her will keep telling her that he “loves” her, because it shuts up her questions and keeps her sprung.

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If your love doesn’t hold up to the standards in first Corinthians then maybe you should look again. If he loves you, he will honor your body until he marries you because contrary to popular belief you can both do without sex. If he loves you, he will not cheat, or lie or beat you or harm your kids. If she loves you she will respect you, and take care of you and be the help meet that God made her to be, not give you lip and question your authority as the man of the home. If your friends love you, they will correct you when you are wrong rather than gossip about you, they will cover you in prayers and hold you up when you fall because love is patient and kind and it covers a multitude of sins. They will celebrate with you when you succeed rather than scowl in a corner and envy you because love does not envy. They will forgive you easily because love is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrong doings.

Love is a word that should not be misused. It’s too sacred, too deep to be carelessly tossed around the way it is these days. Love never fails. The bible was very clear on that so if it keeps failing you and beating you up and hurting you and making you cry every single time, then no, it is not love it is a poor imitation. Perfect love casts out fear, so if you have to compromise to keep him or her in your life, if you are always afraid they will walk away, then that isn’t love because the one thing that love is not is unsure. Love is always sure. Love is humble, there is not a trace of pride in it. So if your love is tainted with pride, well you already know what the answer is…

The true definition of love might seem lofty, difficult even especially in this world we live in today, but when you get it just right, when you love like you are supposed to, it makes all the difference in the world. So here’s to love, to real love, to not settling, and to loving exactly the way God taught us to. Here’s to loving ourselves, our spouses, our friends, our neighbors and even our enemies, yes even our enemies. Nobody said it was going to be easy.

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”Martin Luther King, Jr.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”Jesus Christ

When you say I love you, mean it!” Adaugo

 

Where’s The Love?

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These past couple of days have gone by in a blur really; I can only attempt to imagine what the family of the victims of the Orlando shooting must be going through. It’s extremely difficult to make sense of such a needless and oh so tragic disaster. I will never understand what prompted a man to decide to kill all those people, just because.

It’s even more disheartening to see and hear some of the reactions from people who actually approve of the killing, of people who do not see anything wrong in this horrific crime of hate that was carried out against innocent people who just went out for a night in the town. I know that this is an extremely sensitive situation, but in the words of The Black Eyed Peas, where’s the love? Where is the compassion and the humanity?

I am Christian and I believe in every word that is written in the Holy Bible, so I am very much aware of the fact that the Bible doesn’t condone homosexuality, but neither does it condone fornication, adultery, lust, rape, pedophilia, necrophilia, and the host of them all. Instead of condemnation and hate crimes and name calling, how about compassion, how about love? And prayers that God will step in and help? Since we are judging, would we rather an individual that violates little innocent children? That rapes helpless women? Or two adults who consent to live a certain life style?

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My heart and prayers go out to the families and loved ones who are in deep mourning over this senseless loss, I can only hope that God will give them the strength and grace to pull through. It is our Christian duty to love, to show compassion, to uplift in prayer and to correct in love because unless God convicts a person and touches their hearts, nothing we say or do will get through to them. I do not condone the sin, but I will be compassionate and love the sinner, because I am a sinner myself in desperate need of help from God. We have to remember that we have all fallen short of the glory of God; we are all broken, in dire need of God’s love and forgiveness.

We all need Jesus.

“Man has ceased to be man
  Man has become beast
  Man has become prey.”Oswald Mbuyiseni Mtshali

If You’re Feelin’ Blue…

Its 3:47am, I should be asleep, but instead I’m on my phone and just as I finally decide to put my phone down, I see the picture on my home screen, it’s a picture of me and my little sweetheart Lola. Now, those who know me are very aware of the fact that dogs petrify me. I don’t play with them, I don’t look at them, I am generally not an animal lover, not since I was a kid but this dog came into my life and changed the game on me.

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Her owner went out of town for a couple of days, so we only have her for a few days, and I am actually  dreading the fact that she has to go home soon. I was safely keeping my distance until one night I went to the kitchen to get some water, and this dog set her paws on my legs and she wouldn’t let go. Took me a minute to get over my initial shock and fear to actually realize that she was just a sweet little dog who wanted to play.

How I went from not caring to worrying about her is quite baffling. I worry if she has eaten, if she likes her food, I worry that she is alone when we go out, I want to leave the lights on for her so she won’t be in the dark or get lonely. I think I might now understand the attachment some people have to their dogs, there’s just so much love and trust in their eyes. So I’ll just be honest and say I haven’t had anyone feel that way about me or vice versa in a while.

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Me and my little love…

I don’t mean to sound weird or overly emotional but these past couple of days I’ve been battling with loneliness.  My whole family is a thousand miles away from me and there aren’t any words to describe how much I miss them, add being single to the mix and it’s just a sob story. The last few weeks have been very challenging for me to say the least and so it was such a breath of fresh air and such welcome affection from a tiny little brown dog. I think in a way it’s just God’s way of reminding me that I am not as alone as I think and that it’s about time I stopped feeling sorry for myself.  Also that there is love all around me and I just have to open my heart and accept it. If you’re reading this and you are feeling a little blue like I am, this is a loving reminder that you are not alone, if you feel like nobody loves you, remember that God Himself loves you and is concerned about you, because in this crazy world we live in its so easy to forget how loved we truly are.

If I have said it a thousand times, I will say it again, you are not alone. Maybe all you need to do is to pick up your phone and call your family, or your friends who you haven’t heard from in a while. Take a walk, read a book, learn a song, try a new dish in the kitchen, dance in front of your bathroom mirror, say hi to a random stranger, whatever it takes to ease that hollow feeling in your chest, do it! Life is too short and too precious to be unhappy, and if nobody has loved you lately, be rest assured that I do.

“Why do I write? It’s not because I want people to think I am smart, or even that I am a good writer. I write because I want to end my loneliness.” – Jonathan Safran Foer