30 And Oh! So Thankful.

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So yesterday, I turned 30. It was also the first birthday since I turned twenty five that I didn’t cry or feel unaccomplished. I did not have one cloud in my sky yesterday, I actually had a beautiful day! You know, I didn’t set out to. I honestly assumed that anxiety would kick in and I would be again faced with all the things I still hadn’t done, blah blah blah. Ordinarily, I would have but as soon as I opened my eyes, I was filled with a sense of pure joy and gratitude to God. I really cannot explain it  but it was deep and so real. I didn’t even have to try to smile or put up a front pretending that I was happy when I was wailing inside. Every smile, every laughter came from deep within my soul and was as real as can ever be.

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Maybe I have indeed gotten wiser with my new age, but really what is the point of being filled regrets and what ifs? I wasn’t supposed to make it to my first birthday, how much more my thirtieth because the Dr didn’t think I would make it, but I have survived and I am still surviving. I have survived pain, depression, the loss of loved ones, bitter disappointments, I have gotten my heart broken, and I have cried and cried but still I am here, alive, healthy! Eye brows thriving, edges growing, my point is I am here even when I didn’t think I would be.

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The only regret I do have is all the time I have spent crying and whining for things that are in the past and cannot be changed. I have made mistakes and learned from them, and it is time to move forward, bright eyed and optimistic and completely sure that my life is about to become everything I know it will be. Yesterday was amazing, I can officially say I have the best family and friends a girl could ever ask for! They went out of their way to make sure I had a swell time! To my sister who is a million miles away and still managed to sneak a surprise past me, my darling friend Tosin still million miles away, still sending cakes and candles, I love you all! Thank you. For every call, message and gift I am truly grateful. For those who forgot, next year you’ll remember. My path in life has never been more clear, I am so ready. Ready for  love, ready for life, ready to fall, ready to rise, ready to learn, to dream, to hope, I am standing here at the threshold of the beauty I know my life will be, arms stretched, eyes looking up to God, and ready to take on the world.

Happy birthday to me!

“what if we lived everyday like it was our birthday?…” Anonymous

For My Girl Michelle…

 

It’s a beautiful day today. It’s also my birthday eve and I am sitting here reflecting on the awesome people I have had the pleasure of meeting in my life time and my girl Michelle is definitely on that list so I am going to celebrate her awesomeness today!

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I met her my first day of work at Wells Fargo, I was a nervous wreck. You see, I hate maths and numbers confuse me. Yet here I was starting a job at a bank where I had to balance my work every day and pay customers the right amount etc. The day had barely begun and I was ready to quit till I spoke to Michelle. She just had a way of calming me down me and assuring me that it wasn’t a big deal and I could do it. Turned out she was right. I was a lot calmer and though I know she might have been tired of all my questions, she was a very patient teacher.

However, the dynamic of our friendship changed one afternoon. She was giving me a ride home and we stopped at the store to buy some things and before she parked the car we just started talking, turns out that she and I had gone through so many similar ordeals in life, we spoke openly about our battles with depression, anxiety, anger and guilt and gosh! I felt so free, so comforted in the fact that I was not alone. Our friendship was born that day in that parking lot because she gave me the rare privilege of getting to know her and I have never had a moment of regret since. Michelle truly is an amazing person, I could make a list of all the nice things she has ever done for me and that wouldn’t be enough. There’s one I will never forget though. She drove all the way across town at around 1am in the winter just to bring me some food and keep me company, and that night I knew she would be in my life forever. Like when we are old and grey I’ll remind her of that  day and we will laugh about it.

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Michelle is smart, gorgeous, hard working and resilient. She took her power in her own hands and her life is so much better for it, the changes she has made are so visible and I know that this is just the beginning. She is also a gifted writer and you can visit her blog here!(thank me later).

Thank you for the gift of your friendship! You know how much I love and appreciate you and the distance is nothing because I will see you again soon! Keep shining my girl, I gat you #message! (Inside joke)

“As your best friend, I’ll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing...”- Anonymous

This Is Me…

 

This is me.

This is the part where I say goodbye to everything that has held me bound.

This is me breaking up with depression, anxiety and stress.

 This is me kicking all these meaningless situationships that are neither here nor there to the curb.

This is me reclaiming my time, my joy, my pride, my smile.

This is me screaming: out with the old, in with the new.

This is me accepting my portion of the blame and moving on…

This is me telling myself the truth: this bottle of coke might kill me if I don’t quit.

This is me attracting and accepting the love I deserve.

This is me loving myself with my heart and not with my mouth.

This is me learning to say NO and sticking with it, no explanations.

This is me remembering to put coconut oil on my scalp.

This is me drinking a lot of water and minding my business.

This is me loving fiercely, giving completely and expecting nothing in return.

This is me saying I forgive you and meaning it.

This is me accepting my flaws and coming to terms with my numerous imperfections.

This is me rocking tank tops and shorts with pride cos hey! I am not the only one with stretch marks and flabby arms.

This is me speaking up for those who cannot speak up for themselves.

The upgrade is complete, this is the new me.

 -Adaugo 2018

 

 

 

 

Get To Know Me, Again!…

 

Hi guys! I know, I know. If you had a dollar for every time I disappeared and reappeared, you’d all be fairly rich!!! It’s been an intense couple of months, but I thought I would stay still long enough to gather my thoughts and put them down. Having said that, please, pretty please, love me again…*insert fluttering lashes*

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So I know I have done a random facts about me post before, but that feels like a life time ago and a lot has changed since then. I am still me, but with a few new quirks, a few grey hairs *wailing copiously* and new favorite things. Here goes: recently, I have found myself making new friends. The old me didn’t care much, I might see someone on social media or in real life that I like but I would be thoroughly unbothered to try to get to know them, but these days I just go for it and I must say I have met some truly amazing human beings and I love it! My love for makeup has resurrected from the dead. Yup! You read that right. I used to loooove makeup before, always obsessing over my brows and my lips and all that but somewhere in my mid twenties I just stopped. At first I was going through a breakup, so heartbroken and did not care if my brows aligned or that my lips were chapped. Then I got better and got over it but I never really got back into the art of makeup again, I mean I would barely draw my brows, slap on eyeliner and sheer lip gloss and call it a day! Things like foundation and concealer were as foreign to my brain as further maths and I never knew if there was any going back but then, boom! I woke up one morning and took a hard look at my face and said nope! This crap has got to stop and so I went on youtube and also took notes from my good friend who is a makeup artist and voila! The girl is back. These days, I actually sit down to conceal my brows and contour my face, who would have thought? Yup! You guessed it, Adaugo got her groove back!!!

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In case you forgot what I look like...

I am still obsessed with novels, but guys guess what? My love for Danielle Steele has greatly dwindled. Somewhere along the way her books just got too serious and I found myself gravitating back to Nora Roberts and back to happy, bright and shiny and romantic books. I recently discovered Sophie Kinsella and I am blown away by her.

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Still love perfumes (that will never change) still love jewellery and red nail polish, I am still a badass cook; my cooking skills are getting better and better(my brothers will testify!) still obsessed with TV series but I must admit that I am completely, irrevocably over Grey’s Anatomy! I know I was the number one fan of the show but come on! All my cherished characters are dead and I just quit. My current number one is This Is It. Gosh! I cry every episode and I love it. It is just so beautifully written and really, there is no flaw.

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photo credit: Google

I am still in love with Game of Thrones(I might need therapy cos it’s the last season) and all the usual suspects. Still obsessed with frozen grapes (although Lagos and erratic power supply won’t allow me to be great) still winning the daily battle with depression and anxiety and allowing the peace of God to reign in my heart and calm my soul and for the grand finale….*drum roll* I have a nephew!!! On the 16th of February, my sister gave me a bouncing baby boy and I am completely and utterly awestruck and in love.

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meet my yummy nephew: Baby Philip

There you have it my people. Hope I haven’t changed too much?

They always say time changes thing, but you actually have to change them yourself…”– Andy Warhol

For My Father’s Mother: Mama Ekaette.

The women in my family are strong, hardworking, affectionate and powerful in their own rights. Truly, in my eyes they are all heroines and their stories deserve to be told. Follow me on this journey as I try to bring  to life these women both dead and alive who have made me who I am today…

Mrs. Catherine Ekaette Uwanaka was my grandmother from my father’s side. She was one of the bravest, kindest and most loving person I ever met and losing her was very painful. My grandma was a conundrum. I could never really understand the way she thought sometimes but she always made perfect sense to me. She was a very very discreet woman who believed that everything should be said in hushed tones and that not all thoughts should be said out loud.

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When my sister and I were much younger, my parents sent us home to her for every long vacation and she insisted that we leave our English language behind in the city and adapt to her way of life. She would take us to the farm and the market and we could never keep up with her startlingly fast paced steps. For an old woman, she walked very briskly and we always ran to catch up with her. I remember vividly one time I went somewhere with her and on our way home we saw a man who was deaf and dumb. I asked her: mama, is that man deaf and dumb? She was so embarrassed because she was very proper and didn’t like to talk about other people. She looked at me sternly and asked me if I needed a microphone to ask the whole community my question! And then she burst out laughing. It wasn’t until we got home that she quietly said: yes my daughter, he was indeed deaf and dumb…

My grandma was the most enduring woman I know. She got married very early, was widowed very early and buried five of her children in her life time, still she was always cheerful and completely submissive to the will of God in her life. She taught me how to forgive quickly and completely and she was a perfect example of never keeping a grudge. She taught me how to cook by the fire, how to plant a seed, how to pray in my native language, how to sit. She had her quirks, oh she sure had them. My grandma would never throw away anything! She saved everything. One time she went to Church with the price tag hanging out from her scarf! We had a really good laugh about that one. She drank a cup of tea with every meal. She would reheat the tea over and over and over…She was our angel, but she wasn’t without her flaws. She would conceal rather than confront, she always wanted everything to be hush hush and sometimes she would rather be quiet than speak up and give correction. That is probably the only flaw she ever had. Oh! She was gracious and very grateful for every little thing given to her. I remember giving her a wrist watch that my mother had given to me, she wore it till she died. Mama danced her gratitude whenever she was given anything regardless of what it was. She absolutely hated red nail polish, long nails and loud makeup, she believed completely in modesty and God knows I loved her deeply for all the lessons she instilled in me.

She has been gone for  many years now, but if I close my eyes, I can still see her standing at the gate of our country home, screaming her welcome and full of hugs whenever we came home from the city. I can remember her long hugs and prayers and her deep sadness whenever it was time for us to go back…and if I listen hard enough, I can hear her saying the Grace in our language: “amara nke onye nwe anyi Jesus Christ, ihunanya nke Chineke, na nmeko nke mmuonso. Nna duru anyi ugbua ruo na mgbe ebiebi…amen.”

I love you mama, I will always miss you.

The World Is Full of Strange Men!…

Can we just agree that the world is filled with strange, weird men who do things that we might never understand? While I will be the first to admit that I know a lot of wonderful, amazing, smart men, I will also say that there are some of them that once in a while shock the crap out of me. Let me tell you about one I encountered some days ago.

So my brothers and I decided to hang out somewhere other than our living room and it was a beautiful night out, a lot of fun was had and  the evening was almost coming to an end when one of my brothers decided for us to check out the seafood restaurant next door so off we went.

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We scanned the menu, placed our to go order and just stood around waiting when the manager walked up to me and inquired about the service that was being rendered. He was super nice and so easy going and somehow we got talking and it became a really interesting conversation. You know those rare times you are able to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and like; you really talk? Yeah, we had one of those moments and I was really excited to meet this new guy who seemed to watch all my TV shows and shared similar interests with me. We stood talking for a really long time but I had to take my brothers home and so we reluctantly brought our conversation to a halt, exchanged numbers and I headed home. Soon as we got into the car, he texted and we pretty much texted the entire ride home.

So I got home, and somewhere along the conversation we switched to face time and the conversation was going smoothly until suddenly he got up to get something and when he came back???? You guessed it! He was in his birthday suit. While my mouth was still hanging open from utter shock, he goes: “yeah…so you wanna get comfortable too”? I honestly couldn’t think of a word to say so I just clicked off, blocked him and  attempted to sleep. How on earth did we go from talking about our craziest Christmas experiences to him being in his birthday suit? Strange, strange, a little shocking, a tad funny, but mostly weird.

I was really bummed out because he seemed like a really interesting guy! Seriously though, this New Year, I am in the mood for some normal. Normal as in: not married or engaged or serially dating or weird enough to strip naked on face time to someone you met two hours ago, sigh.

If you want some normal, say: me!!!

…”And suddenly, we were strangers again“.- Anonymous

I Ate Alone!…

 

Happy New Year my people! I hope everyone is having an amazing January so far? It’s been a minute I know, but truly I have turned a new leaf. I gave up on making New Year resolutions a long long time ago, simply because I never keep them. I just try to live better daily; it just seemed like the sensible thing to do.

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Recently, I have been learning to enjoy my own company, to go places by myself and to just be. It has been a bit hard because I am a people person and I love to be with my siblings especially but like I said, I have been trying my hand at being alone.

So some time ago, I got up, got dressed and went out to lunch by myself. It was 100% weird, and several times I wanted to just get up, abandon the food and get out of dodge. Somehow though I soldiered through the meal and I learned something new about myself. When I stopped stressing out about how I looked sitting by myself eating alone, I actually had a good time and I walked home smiling. I shall do that more often, something new and something unexpected. I hope that this New Year is filled with new things, thing worth smiling about, things to make you happy and excited to get out of bed and face the day, something to make to make you bounce up and down again. Do something new today.

Eat alone at a restaurant without my cell phone, check.

I need something different. I don’t know what is, but I need something new”Anonymous