For My Father’s Mother: Mama Ekaette.

The women in my family are strong, hardworking, affectionate and powerful in their own rights. Truly, in my eyes they are all heroines and their stories deserve to be told. Follow me on this journey as I try to bring  to life these women both dead and alive who have made me who I am today…

Mrs. Catherine Ekaette Uwanaka was my grandmother from my father’s side. She was one of the bravest, kindest and most loving person I ever met and losing her was very painful. My grandma was a conundrum. I could never really understand the way she thought sometimes but she always made perfect sense to me. She was a very very discreet woman who believed that everything should be said in hushed tones and that not all thoughts should be said out loud.

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When my sister and I were much younger, my parents sent us home to her for every long vacation and she insisted that we leave our English language behind in the city and adapt to her way of life. She would take us to the farm and the market and we could never keep up with her startlingly fast paced steps. For an old woman, she walked very briskly and we always ran to catch up with her. I remember vividly one time I went somewhere with her and on our way home we saw a man who was deaf and dumb. I asked her: mama, is that man deaf and dumb? She was so embarrassed because she was very proper and didn’t like to talk about other people. She looked at me sternly and asked me if I needed a microphone to ask the whole community my question! And then she burst out laughing. It wasn’t until we got home that she quietly said: yes my daughter, he was indeed deaf and dumb…

My grandma was the most enduring woman I know. She got married very early, was widowed very early and buried five of her children in her life time, still she was always cheerful and completely submissive to the will of God in her life. She taught me how to forgive quickly and completely and she was a perfect example of never keeping a grudge. She taught me how to cook by the fire, how to plant a seed, how to pray in my native language, how to sit. She had her quirks, oh she sure had them. My grandma would never throw away anything! She saved everything. One time she went to Church with the price tag hanging out from her scarf! We had a really good laugh about that one. She drank a cup of tea with every meal. She would reheat the tea over and over and over…She was our angel, but she wasn’t without her flaws. She would conceal rather than confront, she always wanted everything to be hush hush and sometimes she would rather be quiet than speak up and give correction. That is probably the only flaw she ever had. Oh! She was gracious and very grateful for every little thing given to her. I remember giving her a wrist watch that my mother had given to me, she wore it till she died. Mama danced her gratitude whenever she was given anything regardless of what it was. She absolutely hated red nail polish, long nails and loud makeup, she believed completely in modesty and God knows I loved her deeply for all the lessons she instilled in me.

She has been gone for  many years now, but if I close my eyes, I can still see her standing at the gate of our country home, screaming her welcome and full of hugs whenever we came home from the city. I can remember her long hugs and prayers and her deep sadness whenever it was time for us to go back…and if I listen hard enough, I can hear her saying the Grace in our language: “amara nke onye nwe anyi Jesus Christ, ihunanya nke Chineke, na nmeko nke mmuonso. Nna duru anyi ugbua ruo na mgbe ebiebi…amen.”

I love you mama, I will always miss you.

The World Is Full of Strange Men!…

Can we just agree that the world is filled with strange, weird men who do things that we might never understand? While I will be the first to admit that I know a lot of wonderful, amazing, smart men, I will also say that there are some of them that once in a while shock the crap out of me. Let me tell you about one I encountered some days ago.

So my brothers and I decided to hang out somewhere other than our living room and it was a beautiful night out, a lot of fun was had and  the evening was almost coming to an end when one of my brothers decided for us to check out the seafood restaurant next door so off we went.

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We scanned the menu, placed our to go order and just stood around waiting when the manager walked up to me and inquired about the service that was being rendered. He was super nice and so easy going and somehow we got talking and it became a really interesting conversation. You know those rare times you are able to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and like; you really talk? Yeah, we had one of those moments and I was really excited to meet this new guy who seemed to watch all my TV shows and shared similar interests with me. We stood talking for a really long time but I had to take my brothers home and so we reluctantly brought our conversation to a halt, exchanged numbers and I headed home. Soon as we got into the car, he texted and we pretty much texted the entire ride home.

So I got home, and somewhere along the conversation we switched to face time and the conversation was going smoothly until suddenly he got up to get something and when he came back???? You guessed it! He was in his birthday suit. While my mouth was still hanging open from utter shock, he goes: “yeah…so you wanna get comfortable too”? I honestly couldn’t think of a word to say so I just clicked off, blocked him and  attempted to sleep. How on earth did we go from talking about our craziest Christmas experiences to him being in his birthday suit? Strange, strange, a little shocking, a tad funny, but mostly weird.

I was really bummed out because he seemed like a really interesting guy! Seriously though, this New Year, I am in the mood for some normal. Normal as in: not married or engaged or serially dating or weird enough to strip naked on face time to someone you met two hours ago, sigh.

If you want some normal, say: me!!!

…”And suddenly, we were strangers again“.- Anonymous

I Ate Alone!…

 

Happy New Year my people! I hope everyone is having an amazing January so far? It’s been a minute I know, but truly I have turned a new leaf. I gave up on making New Year resolutions a long long time ago, simply because I never keep them. I just try to live better daily; it just seemed like the sensible thing to do.

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Recently, I have been learning to enjoy my own company, to go places by myself and to just be. It has been a bit hard because I am a people person and I love to be with my siblings especially but like I said, I have been trying my hand at being alone.

So some time ago, I got up, got dressed and went out to lunch by myself. It was 100% weird, and several times I wanted to just get up, abandon the food and get out of dodge. Somehow though I soldiered through the meal and I learned something new about myself. When I stopped stressing out about how I looked sitting by myself eating alone, I actually had a good time and I walked home smiling. I shall do that more often, something new and something unexpected. I hope that this New Year is filled with new things, thing worth smiling about, things to make you happy and excited to get out of bed and face the day, something to make to make you bounce up and down again. Do something new today.

Eat alone at a restaurant without my cell phone, check.

I need something different. I don’t know what is, but I need something new”Anonymous 

C.H.A.N.G.E

Every time I stay away, there’s always a reason, there’s always something that has overwhelmed me to the point where I am unable to gather my thoughts and write anything worth reading. This time though there’s no deep reason. I’ve been away simply because my trusty, dependable laptop finally gave up on me.

Then I was thinking, do they even miss me? Or remember that they haven’t heard from me in a while? How do I let them know I am hale and hearty? And then I foolishly remembered I had the app on my phone. So this is me checking in, letting you know I am alright and will be back to regular programming really soon!

I really hate change, the thought of even getting know my new laptop is a little annoying but I better get on it.

Enjoy the rest of your week guys!

Xo

Adaugo

Shut Your Door…

 

Everyone has an opinion about everything these days. Especially those who have no business having opinions in the first place! Then again, we open the door wide open when we post intimate details of our lives online, then get mad when people say crap about it. Yes I know it’s your life, it’s your party, but you let the world in when you put it out there. Sometimes, you literally have to shut the door to the opinion of others, keep out the negativity and the unwanted comments by bringing down the veil of privacy on your personal business.

Actually what spurred this is a post I saw about a couple that got a divorce. The comments were heartbreaking and it made me think. Divorce is extremely painful. Like often times people don’t understand the magnitude of the pain that comes with leaving the person you planned your forever with. No matter whose fault it is, who did what or said what, divorce is painful. And when a couple finally gets to that road, people who have no clue or how their ship wrecked get to sit behind their phone screens and have several opinions, sigh. Like I said it was your party but you let them in. I get the need to want to rant or vent on social media. I also think some things are sacred and should stay sacred. Things like pain.

Nobody else might understand how you feel, don’t aggravate it by throwing it out there for the whole world to see. It’s like you’re bleeding in an ocean and social media is the shark swimming towards you, fangs out, ready to devour you.

Guard yourself.

“Online I see people committing ‘social media suicide’ all the time by responding to all criticism”-Timothy Ferriss

 

Guard your heart…

 

Two Sundays ago, it felt like my pastor had it in for me. I could have sworn he was speaking to me the whole service and I was so convicted. You see, I always say this: I love love. I am very quick to give my heart away, to fall in love or to just believe that each time, it could be love. Every time I do this, and every time I get hurt. I get hurt and it’s all my fault because I had no business giving my heart away like cotton candy. You see even the Bible tells us to guard our hearts, it is our duty to protect our emotions and the issues of the heart. So my pastor went on and on and when he said: God knows how delicate our hearts are, that’s why He put it inside our rib cage. He had to build a whole chest to guard it because He knew it needed to be safe. When my pastor said this, I felt like someone splashed a bucket of ice cold water on my face!

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It was definitely a wake up call for me. It is pointless to always blame other people when you get your heart broken. It is time to start accepting your portion of the blame and realize that not everyone deserves your heart and your devotion. Often times, we are so quick to say stuff like: oh! I am very emotional, or I love with everything I have in me but then nobody gets hurt but you!. It is time to become emotionally intelligent and also to ask God for the spirit of discernment. Too much time is wasted casting our precious pearls to the swine, we literally take ourselves, our emotions and our bodies which are precious pearls and cast them to people who have no business touching them in the first place.

These situationships have to go! Neither here nor there, neither hot nor cold, here today gone tomorrow. If there’s no clear definition of intent what then is the point? This heart is staying inside my rib cage where it’s meant to be, not on my sleeve, not handed away like party favors! Because giving should be reciprocated, if not you’ll give and give and give and one day, you’ll wake up and realize that you gave yourself all away and there might be nothing left.

Above all else, guard your heart. For everything you do flows from it.” –Proverbs 4:23

 

 

Like Curry and Thyme…

Hey guys!

How have you been? 

So I had an epiphany in the kitchen this evening, like I always do… I come from a large family, so we do a lot of cooking every weekend; my mum is in charge of the soups and I’m in charge of the stew. I’d been sick on and off this past few weeks and so while I was cooking today, I was quite tired and a bit distracted.

I honestly cannot count the pots of stew I have made in my life time, I can make stew in my sleep. So here I was this evening, drowsy, nursing a swollen eye and a throbbing head, standing over the cooker, making stew. 

I made a mental note of all the ingredients I would need and I thought I had it all, but as I turned off the heat, I realized that I had skipped curry and thyme. I was slightly alarmed because those ingredients are crucial to the way I like to make my stew. I had concluded in my head that I had botched the stew for this week, but boy! Was I wrong.

After a unanimous taste test by my brothers, the consensus was that the stew turned out to be amazing! Better than the last few they said. And here I was stressing out that I didn’t add curry and thyme.

Curry and thyme proved to be dispensable in my stew this week, and just like that, I figured that we can do without a lot of things that we think we need. It also reminded me of the time I went off social media for a while and I realized that I didn’t die! You see I used to be very attached to my phone and my social media accounts; but when I signed off for a while, my life went on! I actually had very deep, very meaningful conversations with my family and a few of my friends. I went out more often, and I took notice of the world I had been missing by burying my nose in my phone.

A lot of things we think we cannot function without, we often find ourselves doing just well without them. Toxic relationships, situationships, gadgets, you name it! When you try to do without them, you’ll be amazed how easy it will turn out to be, because just as my stew did just fine without curry and thyme, when you let go of some stuff, you will be just fine!…