On Broken Teeth and Broken Roofs..

So I mentioned a while ago that my tooth mysteriously broke right? Right. So this tooth broke and I was living in terrible pain for months. My nerves were exposed so I could neither eat nor drink nor chew nor even smile. I was in deep torment but I did not want to deal with the extraction. However, last week I bit the bullet and went in for a tooth extraction and though I am still recovering from the process, I feel awesome! I feel so relieved, I am gradually able to chew again, to smile again, to do all those things I couldn’t do and it has been bliss.

Now, let us liken a broken or decayed tooth to the friends we have. The Bible tells us of a man who was paralyzed and bed ridden and was in a very helpless situation. His friends heard that the Lord Jesus was in town and they took their friend to go see him. When they got there the place was so packed that there was literally no path to carry their bed ridden friend inside the building. When it seemed like all hope was lost, they looked up and saw the roof and then they climbed up to what I will assume was someone else’s house and they broke the roof. When the roof caved in, they lowered their friend in until he lay at the feet of Jesus. Of course this caught the Lord’s attention and when he looked at the faith of his friends, the sheer ferocity with which they believed that He would heal their friend, He said the word and the man who had been carried in through the roof, got up and walked.

This is to me is friendship, love in its purest form. When they got the house and found it full, they could have been discouraged and left but they didn’t, they broke the damn roof of a building that did not belong to them! They did the impossible, they believed for their friend who did not believe as much as they did and that singular act brought about their friends healing. Let me ask you what I have been asking myself; will the friends you have right now break the roof for you literally or figuratively? Will they go the extra mile to see that all is well with you? Do they pray for you, correct you, encourage you, cover in you love, defend you and put your needs above their own? Will they open their home to you if you need shelter or their wallets to you when you are in need? If they do not, then perhaps this is worth thinking about. I do not take friendship lightly, I never have. It is a sacred bond, and a very big deal to open up to someone, let them in, and tell them your deepest thoughts and dreams, to love them even when they sometimes hurt you, to tell them things about you and your past that very few people on earth know, not even your parents! that to me is sacred and is not an opportunity to be given at random.

My tooth was broken and hurting and it had to go. People that add no value to you have to go. I have been asking myself how good a friend I am; will I break the roof for my friends? I will also be the first to admit that I am not always a good friend, I become so self involved in my own issues and I forget that others need me and are going through issues too, and I am trying to change. I have few friends, and I love them and pray for them and cover them as much as I can, I will not rest on my oars though, I will keep striving till I become that friend that the Bible teaches us about, the friend that sticks closer than a brother/sister.

Ps: My beautiful, precious, adorable niece is here and I will share her pictures and her birth story in the next post so watch this space!

True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island… to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him or her is a blessing.”- Baltasar Gracian

 

2016 Review; The good, the bad, and how did that happen?

And just like that, 2016 has become last year; it finally ended. *sigh of relief* Happy new year guys! I hope you had a good Christmas celebration? So Facebook sent me a video last year, something about 2016 in review and I was shocked to see that I liked five thousand posts in 2016! Five what? Wow! So spending less time on Facebook is definitely on my to do list this year. Watching the video made me decide to look back at the year I had…

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2016, where do I even begin? I guess I will begin with the good. I am thankful for my health in 2016, the devil tried it fam! But God… I had the most severe chest pains I have ever had in my life, it literally took my breath away, breathing became torture and at some point I found myself in an ambulance and then the ER. I fought with my blood pressure all year, but I won and for that I am super thankful for the gift of good health. My only sister/best friend/better half got married to the love of her life and I got to come home and it was beautiful. Words cannot explain how beautiful it was and that was definitely the high point of my year. I had my graduation after successfully completing my MBA, and I got a job too. These are  by no means the only good things that happened to me this year but they were the highlights for me.

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Graduation day! 

Now for the bad, My country is in recession, Trump is about to move into the White House *shivers*, a bunch of my favorite celebrities died inexplicably, so many senseless killings, I could go on and on. I don’t want to say that 2016 was a horrible year, but it came pretty close and I cannot lie, I heaved a sigh of relief when it ended. Personally, 2016 whooped me pretty good, I honestly thank God for helping me hold on because at some point I had to ask myself: who did I offend, why me? My faith was sorely tested, I was pushed to my limits, and some things happened to me that my mouth just hung open in utter shock and disbelief, and it just seemed like no matter how hard I tried, I was never enough, but there are always lessons to be learned from hard times and Oh! I learned plenty.

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My mum,my sister and I

So Bobrisky became famous and is moving into a million Naira mansion really soon, how did that happen? The Dollar almost became five hundred to one Naira, how did that happen? Donald Trump won the election, again how did that happen? People who I honestly thought were my friends showed me they really weren’t and rendered me speechless, well I think I know how that happened, but still how did that happen? And the most painful of them all is that Game of Thrones is ending this year? And they won’t even give us the usual ten episodes? Common!

After all is said and done, 2016 was a year of lessons for me, and I paid apt attention and learned everyone of them. I really don’t make New Year resolutions because I never keep them, who does? But I do know that this year, things have to change. All the stupidity and unnecessary anger and strife from 2016 will definitely not follow me into 2017. Nobody will live rent free in my head, meaning no more anger and bitterness. I am not cutting anybody off in the New Year because there really isn’t anyone to cut! LOL other than my family, the people that matter to me can be counted on my hands and that suits me because less is more.

I wish you all God’s best this year, let us make this year count. Let this be the do over year, the year to put into practice all the lessons 2016 taught us, the year we learn how to say NO to  toxic people and situations, the year we become generous with our time, money and resources, to ourselves and to others, they year we actually live! Go places we have dreamed of and living vivaciously. I truly hope that this New Year brings us happiness, and peace and love…

I look forward to so many good things this year and I hope they all come true; I am also looking forward to the return of all my favorite TV shows; Game of Thrones, Greys Anatomy, Scandal, How To Get Away with Murder, Mistresses, This is Us, Pitch, Insecure and all the others.

Happy New Year my people! What are you looking forward to the most in 2017?

“And now we welcome the New Year. Full of things that have never been”. –Rainer Maria Rilke

“If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who I am.”- Cyril Cusack

 

 

 

A Stranger’s Kindness

 

Dear Diary,

It was a really long day. Emotionally tasking and physically draining. Walking to the bus station seemed like a herculean task and as I struggled to put one foot in front of the other, I found myself doing that which came naturally to me; crying. So I stood there, in the middle of Lindbergh station, bawling my eyes out, feeling the weight in every inch of my body. I could care less if anyone was watching me cry, I just knew I needed to ease the tight feeling in my chest and too bad if I was on the road. It was a windy day and my tears dried before they reached my lips, leaving streaks in my makeup and what was left of my eyeliner, I looked a mess.

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I needed to blow my nose so bad so I dug frantically in my handbag looking for tissue and I could not find any, somehow that made me even sadder. Now this is America, if you strip naked on the road people will probably walk right through you, because everyone is always in motion, and they just keep moving. Still digging through my bag in a frenzy, I felt a hand on my shoulder and the person said to me; here, you need this and handed me a pack of tissue. I took it buried my face in it for a minute, finally feeling shame and remembering where I was. When I looked up, the person who handed me the tissue was a man, dressed as a woman, make up and all.

He led me to the nearest park bench and asked me what was wrong and if I wanted to talk about it and the words came spewing from nowhere and we talked and talked. The bus came and went and we did not notice, this stranger somehow, had taken my pain away. He offered to buy me coffee but the next bus had come and I really wanted to go home so I declined politely. He encouraged me some more, gave me the warmest most comforting hug and thanked me for not looking at him like a crazy person. He was walking away and I called out to him and said; thank you so much, God bless you and Jesus loves you…His eyes lit up at that and he gave me his card and walked away.

I finally got on the bus and I thought about the experience I just had with a total stranger. I  was standing in the middle of the road, crying my heart out and straight, regular people walked by without a second glance. Not that they owed me anything but still, they did not care. This man, who is kind of confused about his gender and  judged by many to be crazy was the only one that stopped to show me basic human kindness and a love that trumped race and orientation. We are often quick to judge, condemn and dismiss people based on their outward looks, quick to label and call them names forgetting that we cannot reach anyone unless we do it in love and tolerance and humility. How as a Christian, do you hope to convert an unbeliever if you refuse to associate with them or talk to them? How will you tell them of God’s love, a God they do not know and  cannot see if you who they can see refuse to show them love? We cannot change anybody by sheer will power, only the Holy Spirit can do that. Our job is to obey the greatest commandment of all, to love our neighbors and to show them the way to God’s heart through love and patience rather than condemnation and disdain, at the end of the day, we are all broken. Whether or not we admit it, we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God and we all need Jesus.

Your life style, the words you speak and how you conduct yourself might be the only Bible an unbeliever ever gets to read, your life is a message, what are you saying? I made a friend today, and somehow someday I will invite him to Church but until then, I will be loving and kind to him, to show him a glimpse of the restoring power of the Love of God.

“It’s not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not. We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, especially when we’d prefer not to be.”- Josh Radnor

 

How To Get Over Your Ex!…

Breakups are  never easy, especially when you were really in love and had grand plans for the future, but like death, rain and taxes, breakups are always bound to happen and will literally break you like the name implies and the question now becomes how to rebuild yourself.

I thought about this post long and hard because being vulnerable is not an easy thing for me and especially in this era where everyone has an opinion about things they have no business having opinions about, it’s really hard to be open and honest but for the love of writing and for my readers who are dear to my heart, I decided to share.

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I do a lot of thinking, like I literally sit on my bathroom floor or on the bus or in my closet or anywhere really and just lapse into deep thought, OK not that deep but still I think a lot and even more lately. So another year has come and gone, another new year, vals day, Easter, birthday, summer, fall, and now it’s almost winter and Christmas is around the corner and I am still single, wow. How did that happen? How did a whole year go by without anyone seeing me? Loose some weight, go out more often, do fun stuff, be open minded they said; done, done and done (well, except for the weight) but alas here we are. So I got to thinking, and thinking and thinking. What am I doing wrong? I am not the world’s biggest girl, I’m beautiful and smart, LOL it’s not by degrees right? But seriously what is it? Then a light bulb went off, maybe I wasn’t over my ex…

What??? It’s been a couple of years and I sincerely thought that I was, but it took one sentence from my friend to jolt me into the realization. So my friend and I were chatting the other day and the subject came up and he said to me: You cannot be loved because you won’t let anyone love you. I was floored by this statement and so damn mad, I was just about to lose my cool but the voice of reason kicked in and I allowed him to explain himself and when he was done, boy! The truth is always bitter, nobody likes hearing the truth but I got over myself and really listened to what he had to say and just maybe he was right…maybe I cannot be loved in this state that I’m in mentally, because I am still kind of angry about how it all ended and I have been walking around carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, unconsciously holding on to the fact that just maybe he would come back to me and we would make it work again, I could go on and on but in my thinking it was clear to me that there is only one way to get over your ex and it is this: get over yourself, and then get over him or her, in that order.

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both pics were taken on the same day(when I still had hair lol), on the right I had just cried my eyes out and wallowed in self pity quite a bit and on the left, I fixed my face, went out with some friends and blossomed in their company and in several glasses of wine soooo, it’s up to you to cheer yourself on, don’t fail yourself!

You made mistakes, so what? You wasted your precious time loving someone and then they broke your hearts and stomped all over it? What’s done is really done. No amount of reminiscing or moping around or listening to love songs will change any of the events that has already transpired, so all you can literally do is get over it!

  • Accept your portion of the blame for whatever it is that might have happened, forgive yourself and look inward to see how you can do better next time.
  • STOP stalking them on social media; not everything they post is about you, they just might have moved on and it’s time to follow suit.
  • Forgive them and let them go, because the longer you hold on to unforgiveness and bitterness and anger, guess who you’re hurting? You!
  • Fall in love with yourself, rediscover just how awesome you are, take care of you and become an even more amazing version of yourself.
  • Disband the pity party, for a night of wallowing, I prescribe three nights of going out! sitting around moping will change nothing!
  • A rebound relationship is the most stupid thing you will ever do. You don’t need to get under someone to get over your ex, I don’t even know why that quote is allowed to be a quote. Rebounds never solve anything, they are just another mistake on top your pile of mistakes.

So its time for me to take a deep breath and let go of all the sentiments, the what ifs and the reminiscing about the fun times and to just get on with my life, open minded and ready to dip my toes into the water again. Will it be easy? No matter of fact it is downright painful and especially in the world we live in today where everyone else seems to be deliriously in love and happy and living in Lala land and you’re just there. But it will be worth in the end, it has to be. How to get over your ex? Get over him or her, that’s how!

Like we always do, let’s talk about this; how have you gotten over break ups? I want to learn a thing or two or more from you guys…

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”― Mandy Hale

All The Things We Think Love Is, and All The Things Love Isn’t…

 

Right now, love has to be the most misused and misconstrued word that there is. It’s almost as if the entire world is fighting so hard to define what love should be, and to conceal what it actually is. Everybody has their own definition of the greatest word of all, and unfortunately it has nothing to do with what love actually is. For me, there is only one definition of love and it can be found in 1st Corinthians 13, vs: 4-8:

                ” 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”

So I started watching Scandal all over again because for some weird reason this ongoing electoral process in the States made me want to watch the early seasons again.As I was watching, I got to a scene where senator Edison, who was hopelessly in love with Olivia Pope at the time was trying to get her to love him back and think about marrying him but she wouldn’t budge. He got frustrated and asked her why and she told him that she could not love him back because loving him was easy, and that she didn’t want easy. She wanted hard, painful, difficult and complicated, she basically told him that she wanted a love that would rip her to shreds from the pain it brought and when she was done talking, the senator looked at her and said: Love is nothing like what you have just described Olivia, love shouldn’t be painful or difficult or heart breaking, if it’s all that to you then that isn’t love. Love is beautiful Olivia and it’s a shame you don’t see it.

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I have probably watched that scene like ten times; in fact, I only stopped watching it so I could write this. I kept rewinding it because that was such a profound statement. I know that Scandal is just a TV show but man! Isn’t that the truth? I love you  means less and less every day. What has love become? In fact these days, the people who literally hate you are the ones who “love” you the most. The friends slandering your name will text you and say: “hey love!” the woman enduring physical, mental and verbal abuse from her husband and the father of her children is standing in harm’s way because maybe she thinks that’s his own way of showing her that he “loves” her. The married man who is simultaneously cheating on his wife and stringing his mistress along happens to be in “love ” with all the women in his life. The guy who has no intention of marrying the girl he’s with and sees no future with her will keep telling her that he “loves” her, because it shuts up her questions and keeps her sprung.

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If your love doesn’t hold up to the standards in first Corinthians then maybe you should look again. If he loves you, he will honor your body until he marries you because contrary to popular belief you can both do without sex. If he loves you, he will not cheat, or lie or beat you or harm your kids. If she loves you she will respect you, and take care of you and be the help meet that God made her to be, not give you lip and question your authority as the man of the home. If your friends love you, they will correct you when you are wrong rather than gossip about you, they will cover you in prayers and hold you up when you fall because love is patient and kind and it covers a multitude of sins. They will celebrate with you when you succeed rather than scowl in a corner and envy you because love does not envy. They will forgive you easily because love is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrong doings.

Love is a word that should not be misused. It’s too sacred, too deep to be carelessly tossed around the way it is these days. Love never fails. The bible was very clear on that so if it keeps failing you and beating you up and hurting you and making you cry every single time, then no, it is not love it is a poor imitation. Perfect love casts out fear, so if you have to compromise to keep him or her in your life, if you are always afraid they will walk away, then that isn’t love because the one thing that love is not is unsure. Love is always sure. Love is humble, there is not a trace of pride in it. So if your love is tainted with pride, well you already know what the answer is…

The true definition of love might seem lofty, difficult even especially in this world we live in today, but when you get it just right, when you love like you are supposed to, it makes all the difference in the world. So here’s to love, to real love, to not settling, and to loving exactly the way God taught us to. Here’s to loving ourselves, our spouses, our friends, our neighbors and even our enemies, yes even our enemies. Nobody said it was going to be easy.

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”Martin Luther King, Jr.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”Jesus Christ

When you say I love you, mean it!” Adaugo

 

Twenty eight lessons…

So, I have learned that some of my best writings have happened on the nights that Lady Sleep eludes me. Yes I am convinced that sleep is a woman and she is somehow mad at me, because why else will I spend more nights than I can count staring at my window, watching the sun rise? Everything hurts. My mind is tired, my eyes hurt, my chest hurts, and even my tattoo hurts. My mind is clouded, sigh…lonely is a bad place to be…and now I’ve digressed! Back to the matter at hand, sleep deprivation. Since I can’t sleep, I might as well write. 4:49am…

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I should have written this post in March seeing that I had my birthday in March and now this is July but better late than never right? So here goes: 28 lessons I have learned in my 28 years.

  1. Life doesn’t always go like you planned for it to go, and that’s ok. If your plans fall through, regroup and make new ones and try not dwell on what could have been.
  2. People will hurt you, especially those closest to you. But hey, that’s life. Be quick to forgive, for you, for your sanity and peace of mind.
  3. Pick your battles wisely. You absolutely don’t have to attend every argument that you get invited to. Master the art of walking away from toxic situations.
  4. Learn how to say No! You cannot be Mr or Ms nice every single time, because people will take you for granted. Be kind, but be smart and allocate your time to things that matter. I am not saying don’t help people, I am saying be smart.
  5. Be passionate. By now you should have figured out what you want to do with your life, hold on to it and be all out. Whatever your hands find to do, do it with gusto and do it with pride. Leave no room for mediocrity.
  6. Learn new things as often as you can; a song, a craft, a skill, a new dish, whatever it is, try to do something new, something you’ve never done before, venture into new things, the world is yours, take it!
  7. Find the time to read. Don’t be an ignorant 28 year old who knows nothing other than the crumbles gleaned from social media. Find the time to actually watch the news, read a book and be aware of the happenings in the world around you.
  8. Take care of yourself. You cannot be of use to anybody if you are unhappy or unwell. Take care of your body, your health, your mind. If you are a woman go for a pap smear and a mammogram, if you are a guy go for a body work up. Its dangerous to be nonchalant about your health.
  9. Refine your circle of friends; you are old enough to identify the toxic, no good people who only seek to tear others down. Re-evaluate the company you keep, if no meaning comes from it, detach yourself asap.
  10. Give yourself, your love, your time, and resources to those that are less fortunate than yourself. There is immense joy to be found in giving.
  11. Don’t make rash decisions. Always think things through as much as you can, there’s no need burdening yourself with the regrets that accompany bad decisions.
  12. Drink ALOT of water; drink water more than you drink alcohol. It does wonders for the body and the skin and hair and nails and everything. Why hasten your wrinkles when you can slow it down?
  13. Smile at strangers, smile at familiar people. You look more beautiful when you smile, plus it costs nothing and it does wonders for your face as well. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile, true story! You are never fully dressed without a smile.
  14. Don’t take things too seriously, learn to laugh things off and just be happy. Nobody cares if you are miserable so you might as well be happy right?
  15. Old friends are awesome, but then so are new ones. Be open to meeting new people both older and younger and giving them a chance to be in your life. Friends are awesome and I am grateful for mine.quotescover-JPG-71
  16. Don’t be superman or super woman when you don’t have to be. Ask for help if you need it. You really don’t have to do it all by yourself, don’t be an island. Everybody needs somebody, and you are no exception.
  17. Be sensitive and alert to the seasons of your life. Some friendships and relationships are for a season. Most times that season will end abruptly and it will hurt you badly. But when it does, don’t sweat it or force it. Be wise enough to know when to let go.
  18. You are what you think you are, so think big.
  19. Be yourself. Be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Don’t copy anyone; don’t make any decisions on a whim just because you saw it on social media or because everyone else is doing it.
  20. Speaking of social media, don’t be gullible. Facebook, instagram, snapchat and twitter are alternate universes. Don’t be fooled by the hype! Spending all your time on social media will lead you nowhere.
  21. Take risks. Pack up and leave your comfort zone!
  22. Don’t be afraid to fail. If and when you do, its ok to be sad but snap out of it and move on, try again and keep trying till you get it right.
  23. Value your time. You’re too old to spend your precious time on frivolities.
  24. Be happy when your friends are successful, even if it hasn’t happened for you yet. If you are like me and all your friends are getting married and having babies and it hasn’t happened for you yet, smile! Be sincerely happy and wish them well and be confident in the fact that your time will come.
  25. Be content in your season. Whatever season you find yourself in, be content and rest in God’s perfect timing. Run to God, note that I said run, not walk. You need Him at this stage of your life, more than you ever have!
  26. Take care of your parents; I don’t talk about this a lot but my dad is unable to walk as a result of an accident and sometimes he’s unable to do some things for himself. So one day he was in a fix and I ran to him and helped him and afterwards, he told me to go on my knees and he laid his hands on his heart and blessed me, he said some deep proclamations over me that left me with goose bumps…do something for your parents that will provoke them to bless you like they never have.
  27. Don’t give your pearls to the swine. Don’t have meaningless sex just because. Guard your heart. Don’t give your love, your time or your body to people who don’t deserve you. Be wise.
  28. Find joy in all the little things, like singing and dancing in front of the bathroom mirror, taking long walks, whatever it is that will make you happy do it. Your happiness is literally in your hands; don’t put it in other people’s hands because they will drop it, every single time.

Another sun rise and I am wide awake…well, I am thankful for life, for the gift of a new day, and for the presence of mind to gather my thoughts and share with you all. Have an awesome day!

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”  – Steve Jobs

Where’s The Love?

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These past couple of days have gone by in a blur really; I can only attempt to imagine what the family of the victims of the Orlando shooting must be going through. It’s extremely difficult to make sense of such a needless and oh so tragic disaster. I will never understand what prompted a man to decide to kill all those people, just because.

It’s even more disheartening to see and hear some of the reactions from people who actually approve of the killing, of people who do not see anything wrong in this horrific crime of hate that was carried out against innocent people who just went out for a night in the town. I know that this is an extremely sensitive situation, but in the words of The Black Eyed Peas, where’s the love? Where is the compassion and the humanity?

I am Christian and I believe in every word that is written in the Holy Bible, so I am very much aware of the fact that the Bible doesn’t condone homosexuality, but neither does it condone fornication, adultery, lust, rape, pedophilia, necrophilia, and the host of them all. Instead of condemnation and hate crimes and name calling, how about compassion, how about love? And prayers that God will step in and help? Since we are judging, would we rather an individual that violates little innocent children? That rapes helpless women? Or two adults who consent to live a certain life style?

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My heart and prayers go out to the families and loved ones who are in deep mourning over this senseless loss, I can only hope that God will give them the strength and grace to pull through. It is our Christian duty to love, to show compassion, to uplift in prayer and to correct in love because unless God convicts a person and touches their hearts, nothing we say or do will get through to them. I do not condone the sin, but I will be compassionate and love the sinner, because I am a sinner myself in desperate need of help from God. We have to remember that we have all fallen short of the glory of God; we are all broken, in dire need of God’s love and forgiveness.

We all need Jesus.

“Man has ceased to be man
  Man has become beast
  Man has become prey.”Oswald Mbuyiseni Mtshali