Random musings

29 going on 60…

My birthday is always the one day of the year where I have no worries, the one day where there isn’t any cloud in the sky. It usually kicks off with the generic message that my bank sends me to tell me how much I mean to them blah blah blah, then the calls and the messages and the status updates and the everything. Some of the messages are well thought out and deeply personal and might even make me cry, others are impersonal and to the point, and somehow I already know that the next time I will speak to or hear from such people will be on their own birthday or next year on mine again. I usually don’t get any gifts (yes, shade to all my friends and family) but I honestly don’t mind because the heartfelt prayers and the love soothes my soul way more than material things would.

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So on March 17th, I turned 29. It wasn’t a cloud free day but I didn’t mind. My sister dragged me out for drinks and I got to see my niece so it was a day very well spent. But the thing about birthdays is that they have a way of waking you up! On every birthday since I turned 20, there is always one part of the day where it suddenly hits me that this is a whole new year, one step closer to the grave, one year further away from youth. I end up thinking of the things I have achieved and even more about the things I have not achieved and usually I come to terms with my life as it is but this year was different.

29 is a very awkward age for me, it feels like I am standing on the precipice of something that I don’t quite know. A year away from 30, the last year that I can officially say that I am in my late twenties and this year, the birthday reflections did not wait to hit me at a random time of day; they hit me as soon as I opened my eyes. All I could think about was all that I haven’t done. The husband I haven’t married, the babies I haven’t had, the places I haven’t seen, the feelings I haven’t felt, the book I haven’t written, the car I haven’t driven, It went on and on and on. Typically, the tears came and they came hot and fast and rolled down my cheeks in rapid succession. Ordinarily I would have let them. I would have cried myself into puffy eyes and a blocked nose and a raging headache but this time, this time was different. I got up, cleaned my eyes and played my favorite playlist. I did my makeup, treated myself to a special breakfast, went for a job interview, saw my dearest friends,  rocked my niece to sleep, and went out for drinks and I must say that it was a beautiful, somewhat cry free day.

Whats the point of this post you ask? The point is that I have grown up some. I have finally learned to consciously count my blessings and not my sorrows, to be grateful for what I do have, rather that pinning for what I have lost or I am yet to have. I Finally learned to ditch the tears because listen the eyes are the first to age; and my eyes are my best feature sooooo I better catch up on my carrots and cucumbers and glasses of water rather than crying and always rubbing at my eyes. Plus I already have eye bags, why enlarge them further?

I am only 29, but sometimes I feel like I am 60 and that is my fault, because really what is stopping me from being happy go lucky? Life is for the living, and you are only as old as you want to be. Last year, I shared 28 lessons I learned from turning 28 but this year I have just one; find some time to find yourself. Don’t be like me, so caught up in other people that you forget yourself, we only have one life, and there are no dress rehearsals or do overs. Choose yourself, it’s time!.

“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.”
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

“We ain’t never gettin’ older!…” The Chainsmokers

Imagine.

 

Dear Diary,

This has been on my mind for a while now. Why is it so hard to just be real these days? To actually say what we mean to say? When did we get to the point of suffering and smiling, of telling lies so easily instead of just calling it what it is?

Imagine.

Imagine a world where a guy and a girl have their first date and totally hate it, so instead of faking it  if they just told each other that they weren’t feeling it and called it a day. Not  letting a meaningless and clueless relationship form.  A relationship that will drag on for weeks and maybe months and not add any value, but waste time that cannot be recovered. Imagine a world where we tell ourselves and our friends the truth, rather than lying to them and giving them half hearted advice, telling them what they want to hear rather than telling them the truth that will make them better. Imagine a world where we didn’t have to tolerate one another.  A world where If you don’t like or regard someone, they do not have to be in your life, in your head space or on your social media! It is ok to unfollow them, or leave their life, rather than hanging around and acting like the friend you know you aren’t and then trashing them behind their backs.

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Imagine a world where people keep their word, where they do what they said they would do in the first place? Where it’s ok to say to no and not be hated for it. Imagine a world where you can voice your opinion when you don’t agree with something rather than nodding like zombies and accepting everything just so you can appear cool and be liked. where it is ok to call a spade a spade and not a big spoon.

Imagine a world where we live our life to please those who actually need to be pleased. A life that honors the God who gave us life and can take it, the parents who brought us into this world, and a few people that  matter. A world where we don’t have to bend over backwards to be liked…

It’s hard to imagine that the world will ever be like that, but I owe it to myself to start acting like it, and maybe you should too. To treat my own corner of the world like the precious place that it is, to dedicate my head space and mind and attention to the things that actually matter and have eternal value, to stop chasing the love and affections of people who don’t care, and to treat life like the priceless gift that it is because every minute wasted can never be regained.

Imagine.

Don’t settle!

Hi people!

So this is a short, random post about my experience at the nail salon recently. You guys know me, always finding deep meanings in random happenings lol!

I went to get my nails done, because I had really long false nails on and I have a lot of typing coming up so I wanted my own nails for a change. I painstakingly explained to the Chinese nail technician what I wanted and I thought we understood each other. Boy was I wrong! 

I just patiently looked on as she did her thing and when she was done I wasn’t happy with my results, they were way too long and she said my own nails weren’t long enough. I told her again like I told her before that I knew my nails were short and that’s how I wanted them so I stood my ground and told her I wanted them short like we agreed earlier.

So after a lot of back and forth she came on board, took off the false nails and let me have mine😊😁 and all is well with the world.

All mine, just like I wanted…

What’s the lesson you ask? It’s simple; don’t settle. I would have kept quiet and went home completely dissatisfied cos I didn’t want to upset my nail tech or make a scene but I knew what I wanted, long nails and keyboards don’t get along so I stuck to my gun and I got my desired results in the end. So whatever crossroads you find yourself at be it at work, in life or relationships, where ever. If you can have better, go for it! Don’t keep quiet and please don’t settle!

Ps: I typed this post from my phone, this new word press app is pretty cool guys. Check it out. (For my fellow writers)

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” –Maureen Dowd

Twenty eight lessons…

So, I have learned that some of my best writings have happened on the nights that Lady Sleep eludes me. Yes I am convinced that sleep is a woman and she is somehow mad at me, because why else will I spend more nights than I can count staring at my window, watching the sun rise? Everything hurts. My mind is tired, my eyes hurt, my chest hurts, and even my tattoo hurts. My mind is clouded, sigh…lonely is a bad place to be…and now I’ve digressed! Back to the matter at hand, sleep deprivation. Since I can’t sleep, I might as well write. 4:49am…

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I should have written this post in March seeing that I had my birthday in March and now this is July but better late than never right? So here goes: 28 lessons I have learned in my 28 years.

  1. Life doesn’t always go like you planned for it to go, and that’s ok. If your plans fall through, regroup and make new ones and try not dwell on what could have been.
  2. People will hurt you, especially those closest to you. But hey, that’s life. Be quick to forgive, for you, for your sanity and peace of mind.
  3. Pick your battles wisely. You absolutely don’t have to attend every argument that you get invited to. Master the art of walking away from toxic situations.
  4. Learn how to say No! You cannot be Mr or Ms nice every single time, because people will take you for granted. Be kind, but be smart and allocate your time to things that matter. I am not saying don’t help people, I am saying be smart.
  5. Be passionate. By now you should have figured out what you want to do with your life, hold on to it and be all out. Whatever your hands find to do, do it with gusto and do it with pride. Leave no room for mediocrity.
  6. Learn new things as often as you can; a song, a craft, a skill, a new dish, whatever it is, try to do something new, something you’ve never done before, venture into new things, the world is yours, take it!
  7. Find the time to read. Don’t be an ignorant 28 year old who knows nothing other than the crumbles gleaned from social media. Find the time to actually watch the news, read a book and be aware of the happenings in the world around you.
  8. Take care of yourself. You cannot be of use to anybody if you are unhappy or unwell. Take care of your body, your health, your mind. If you are a woman go for a pap smear and a mammogram, if you are a guy go for a body work up. Its dangerous to be nonchalant about your health.
  9. Refine your circle of friends; you are old enough to identify the toxic, no good people who only seek to tear others down. Re-evaluate the company you keep, if no meaning comes from it, detach yourself asap.
  10. Give yourself, your love, your time, and resources to those that are less fortunate than yourself. There is immense joy to be found in giving.
  11. Don’t make rash decisions. Always think things through as much as you can, there’s no need burdening yourself with the regrets that accompany bad decisions.
  12. Drink ALOT of water; drink water more than you drink alcohol. It does wonders for the body and the skin and hair and nails and everything. Why hasten your wrinkles when you can slow it down?
  13. Smile at strangers, smile at familiar people. You look more beautiful when you smile, plus it costs nothing and it does wonders for your face as well. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile, true story! You are never fully dressed without a smile.
  14. Don’t take things too seriously, learn to laugh things off and just be happy. Nobody cares if you are miserable so you might as well be happy right?
  15. Old friends are awesome, but then so are new ones. Be open to meeting new people both older and younger and giving them a chance to be in your life. Friends are awesome and I am grateful for mine.quotescover-JPG-71
  16. Don’t be superman or super woman when you don’t have to be. Ask for help if you need it. You really don’t have to do it all by yourself, don’t be an island. Everybody needs somebody, and you are no exception.
  17. Be sensitive and alert to the seasons of your life. Some friendships and relationships are for a season. Most times that season will end abruptly and it will hurt you badly. But when it does, don’t sweat it or force it. Be wise enough to know when to let go.
  18. You are what you think you are, so think big.
  19. Be yourself. Be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Don’t copy anyone; don’t make any decisions on a whim just because you saw it on social media or because everyone else is doing it.
  20. Speaking of social media, don’t be gullible. Facebook, instagram, snapchat and twitter are alternate universes. Don’t be fooled by the hype! Spending all your time on social media will lead you nowhere.
  21. Take risks. Pack up and leave your comfort zone!
  22. Don’t be afraid to fail. If and when you do, its ok to be sad but snap out of it and move on, try again and keep trying till you get it right.
  23. Value your time. You’re too old to spend your precious time on frivolities.
  24. Be happy when your friends are successful, even if it hasn’t happened for you yet. If you are like me and all your friends are getting married and having babies and it hasn’t happened for you yet, smile! Be sincerely happy and wish them well and be confident in the fact that your time will come.
  25. Be content in your season. Whatever season you find yourself in, be content and rest in God’s perfect timing. Run to God, note that I said run, not walk. You need Him at this stage of your life, more than you ever have!
  26. Take care of your parents; I don’t talk about this a lot but my dad is unable to walk as a result of an accident and sometimes he’s unable to do some things for himself. So one day he was in a fix and I ran to him and helped him and afterwards, he told me to go on my knees and he laid his hands on his heart and blessed me, he said some deep proclamations over me that left me with goose bumps…do something for your parents that will provoke them to bless you like they never have.
  27. Don’t give your pearls to the swine. Don’t have meaningless sex just because. Guard your heart. Don’t give your love, your time or your body to people who don’t deserve you. Be wise.
  28. Find joy in all the little things, like singing and dancing in front of the bathroom mirror, taking long walks, whatever it is that will make you happy do it. Your happiness is literally in your hands; don’t put it in other people’s hands because they will drop it, every single time.

Another sun rise and I am wide awake…well, I am thankful for life, for the gift of a new day, and for the presence of mind to gather my thoughts and share with you all. Have an awesome day!

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”  – Steve Jobs

Jejelaiye…

 

Jejelaiye…live life easily, slow and steady or something close to it…

So there was this street named Jejelaiye, in the beloved place of my childhood,

 A very quiet street, very slow paced…everyone seemed to walk slowly there,

And if I close my eyes I can see that even the cars and motorcycles drove slowly by..

Life was easy, life was slow, and life was calm on Jejelaiye Street.

Houses were far apart, one School, one Church and one risqué business down the road…

I walked that road many times, to take my dad’s clothes to Uncle Ruffy.

Uncle Ruffy was my dad’s drycleaner and I never knew a man that smiled as much as he did…

I’d sit there for hours, just watching him scurry around, trying to do ten tasks at once.

Always whistling a merry tune, always smiling, always happy.

I met someone very dear to me on that street, but that’s a whole other story.

In my fast paced life today, thousands of miles away, I wish…

I wish I could take a million steps back to when life was easy and calm…

I wish I was that young girl with wide eyes, who knew no pain or hurt yet..

If I had three wishes;  I wish, I wish, I wish that I could live carefree like that again,

Slow and easy…Jejelaiye.

 –Adaugo,2016

 

I Love You, But I Love Me More…

 

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I have wanted to write this post for a very long time, but somehow I just haven’t found the right words to say the things I really want to say because I didn’t want it to be a self help post, or just another feel good post its something that resonates with me and I wanted it to resonate with you too.

When love ends, it’s downright painful. There’s just not enough words to describe the disappointment,  the hurt, the saying good bye to all the plans and dreams, sometimes it’s a physical pain that just follows you around like a throbbing toothache. If you are lucky, time will dull the ache but once in a while, it will sneak up on you and boy it hurts! If you know my blog, then you know me because I always leave a piece of myself in everything I write so I am just going to go ahead and laugh at myself here shall we?

Once upon a break up, all I could do was cry. I cried and I cried and I listened to all the love songs on my playlists until I knew all the songs by heart, and then I prayed the pain away and then I ate, and then I stopped wearing makeup altogether and I started wearing again and then I would write soapy posts (thank goodness I never posted them!) I was on an emotional roller coaster that I couldn’t seem to get off from, and it became exhausting so one day I put on my big girl pants and I just stopped. I stopped the pity party, the relieving every word and scenario in my head and I looked at my failed relationship for what it really was. I took a good hard look at it without rose tinted glasses, I accepted my portion of the blame and I was determined to move on even if it killed me, because holding on to the what ifs was killing me, stealing my joy and my hands were figuratively bleeding from holding on to all my broken dreams.

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But could I really let go? Its so easy to give yourself a pep talk and make plans to move on but at the end of the day, we’re humans, I am human and of course I didn’t move on immediately. At the back of my mind I clung to thoughts of some day. I am sure you that if you can relate to my story, you know that here’s always that one thing or person that you cannot seem to let go of, even when you know it’s bad for you, even when you know it will end up bringing more pain, and I think it is because there’s something in us that makes us want what we know we can’t have.

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At the end of the day though, when all the words have been said and all the feelings have been felt, one thing is crystal clear, it’s OK to let go! To choose yourself, to love yourself enough to walk away from toxic decisions and situations. Do it for yourself, for your sanity. It is a long hard road, but it’s so worth it when you arrive at that place of peace, of acceptance, open minded and ready to go again. Hey, if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself and try again till you get it right. I love you, but I love me more…say it till you start to believe it!

“Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken.” – Albert Camus

11 Random Questions…

I am pretty sure everyone has these random thoughts sometimes. Questions that just pop into your head for no reason and sometimes there just aren’t any immediate answers to them. I am leaving my old apartment tomorrow and it’s quite emotional because I will miss the place but that’s by the way. The thing is I can’t find my keys. I’ve looked and looked and it seems like they have just disappeared into thin air. I have spent the last couple of days thinking hard about this key because I am not about to pay for it, but I just can’t figure it out. So much for my photographic memory, *insert rolling eyes smiley*

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As I sit on the empty floor of my soon to be old room, I can’t help but wonder:

  1. Is there an alternate universe where things just disappear to? I have a lot of things that I simply cannot account for; my purple headphones,like four of my black t-shirts, half of my combs, to mention a few.
  2. Why does my body itch like crazy when winter is just beginning?
  3. At what age will I find my first wrinkle and grey hair?
  4. Where on earth are MY KEYS???
  5. Why am I terrified of elevators?
  6. How many songs do I have in my brain?
  7. Who is this Caro our 9ja artists keep singing about?
  8. Why did Jack have to die before the rescue boats came?
  9. How many texts have I sent in my life time?
  10. Where is Mr. Right?
  11. Repeat number 4.
  12. Am I the only one that thinks these random thoughts?

There are many more running through my mind but if I write them all down, y’all will call me crazy.

3 more things: I have a BIG testimony; I shall share it this week so watch this space!

4,000 hits!!! I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it really is. I am super thankful for you guys that come here to see what I have been up to, I am grateful for the friends I have made from this blog and for all the lessons learnt. To think that people in China and Ukraine and Cyprus get to read my blog is quite humbling, if you could see the cheesy smile on my face when I check my blog stats…Thanks guys, you rock!

These past two years I have been free styling and writing what I like on this blog, but what do you guys like? What kind of posts do you want to see here? Please leave a comment below and let us talk about it.

Do something good for someone this week, just because…