I am so sorry that once again I went MIA. It wasn’t intentional, I promise. l meant to write, I really did but words failed me again and again so I just took a little break from it all. Life has taught me a couple of lessons over the past weeks that I didn’t ask for and certainly didn’t want to learn, all the things I had been writing about battling with depression and finding joy came back to taunt me. I read those posts over and over but they didn’t help. If tears could solve anything, I would be problem and stress free, literally. But tears did not solve anything, they only left me with headaches and chest pains and no solutions. As if I wasn’t stressed enough, I woke up one morning to discover that my tooth broke while I was asleep, like actually broke into pieces, at that point I just gave up, I was done.
But I thank God for His love, and His friendship and His never ending grace because I wouldn’t be sitting here today writing this post if it wasn’t for Him. I have learned to pray for myself, to go to God and tell Him my woes instead of asking friends to pray for me. I have learned to depend solely on God because the people I found myself depending and leaning on also needed people to lean on as well and you can’t lean too much because as our people say, “lean on me no be press me die”.
While I was busy letting the devil win and wallowing in depression, I had no clue the battle that God was fighting for me. Anyone who remotely knows me will testify to the fact that my mother is my best friend after God. So imagine my reaction when she called to tell me she had a close shave with death. I felt a million feelings at once, the most paramount of them being immense gratitude. What if I had lost my mum? All those other issues I was depressed about would have seemed like a needle dropping in a hay stack! Right there and then, my sorrows turned into joy and I finally saw the reasoning behind thanking God for all the things that He will and will not do.
So for all intents and purposes, I am back! And this is also my chance to say a heartfelt thank you to every one of you that reached out to me. I treasure those emails and it helped more than you’ll ever know… if you’re ever battling with depression or suicidal thoughts, please I beg of you pray. Pray and pray and pray and after praying call your mother, or your best friend, or email me I will reply swiftly. Don’t sit and let those thoughts overwhelm you, they are lies from the pit of hell and no matter how dark it gets, the sun will shine again.
“Getting better from depression demands a lifelong commitment. I’ve made that commitment for my life’s sake and for the sake of those who love me.” -Susan Polis Schutz
“What you believe is very powerful. If you have toxic emotions of fear, guilt and depression, it is because you have wrong thinking, and you have wrong thinking because of wrong believing.” -Joseph Prince