30 And Oh! So Thankful.


So yesterday, I turned 30. It was also the first birthday since I turned twenty five that I didn’t cry or feel unaccomplished. I did not have one cloud in my sky yesterday, I actually had a beautiful day! You know, I didn’t set out to. I honestly assumed that anxiety would kick in and I would be again faced with all the things I still hadn’t done, blah blah blah. Ordinarily, I would have but as soon as I opened my eyes, I was filled with a sense of pure joy and gratitude to God. I really cannot explain it  but it was deep and so real. I didn’t even have to try to smile or put up a front pretending that I was happy when I was wailing inside. Every smile, every laughter came from deep within my soul and was as real as can ever be.


Maybe I have indeed gotten wiser with my new age, but really what is the point of being filled regrets and what ifs? I wasn’t supposed to make it to my first birthday, how much more my thirtieth because the Dr didn’t think I would make it, but I have survived and I am still surviving. I have survived pain, depression, the loss of loved ones, bitter disappointments, I have gotten my heart broken, and I have cried and cried but still I am here, alive, healthy! Eye brows thriving, edges growing, my point is I am here even when I didn’t think I would be.



The only regret I do have is all the time I have spent crying and whining for things that are in the past and cannot be changed. I have made mistakes and learned from them, and it is time to move forward, bright eyed and optimistic and completely sure that my life is about to become everything I know it will be. Yesterday was amazing, I can officially say I have the best family and friends a girl could ever ask for! They went out of their way to make sure I had a swell time! To my sister who is a million miles away and still managed to sneak a surprise past me, my darling friend Tosin still million miles away, still sending cakes and candles, I love you all! Thank you. For every call, message and gift I am truly grateful. For those who forgot, next year you’ll remember. My path in life has never been more clear, I am so ready. Ready for  love, ready for life, ready to fall, ready to rise, ready to learn, to dream, to hope, I am standing here at the threshold of the beauty I know my life will be, arms stretched, eyes looking up to God, and ready to take on the world.

Happy birthday to me!

“what if we lived everyday like it was our birthday?…” Anonymous

For My Girl Michelle…


It’s a beautiful day today. It’s also my birthday eve and I am sitting here reflecting on the awesome people I have had the pleasure of meeting in my life time and my girl Michelle is definitely on that list so I am going to celebrate her awesomeness today!


I met her my first day of work at Wells Fargo, I was a nervous wreck. You see, I hate maths and numbers confuse me. Yet here I was starting a job at a bank where I had to balance my work every day and pay customers the right amount etc. The day had barely begun and I was ready to quit till I spoke to Michelle. She just had a way of calming me down me and assuring me that it wasn’t a big deal and I could do it. Turned out she was right. I was a lot calmer and though I know she might have been tired of all my questions, she was a very patient teacher.

However, the dynamic of our friendship changed one afternoon. She was giving me a ride home and we stopped at the store to buy some things and before she parked the car we just started talking, turns out that she and I had gone through so many similar ordeals in life, we spoke openly about our battles with depression, anxiety, anger and guilt and gosh! I felt so free, so comforted in the fact that I was not alone. Our friendship was born that day in that parking lot because she gave me the rare privilege of getting to know her and I have never had a moment of regret since. Michelle truly is an amazing person, I could make a list of all the nice things she has ever done for me and that wouldn’t be enough. There’s one I will never forget though. She drove all the way across town at around 1am in the winter just to bring me some food and keep me company, and that night I knew she would be in my life forever. Like when we are old and grey I’ll remind her of that  day and we will laugh about it.


Michelle is smart, gorgeous, hard working and resilient. She took her power in her own hands and her life is so much better for it, the changes she has made are so visible and I know that this is just the beginning. She is also a gifted writer and you can visit her blog here!(thank me later).

Thank you for the gift of your friendship! You know how much I love and appreciate you and the distance is nothing because I will see you again soon! Keep shining my girl, I gat you #message! (Inside joke)

“As your best friend, I’ll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing...”- Anonymous

Get To Know Me, Again!…


Hi guys! I know, I know. If you had a dollar for every time I disappeared and reappeared, you’d all be fairly rich!!! It’s been an intense couple of months, but I thought I would stay still long enough to gather my thoughts and put them down. Having said that, please, pretty please, love me again…*insert fluttering lashes*


So I know I have done a random facts about me post before, but that feels like a life time ago and a lot has changed since then. I am still me, but with a few new quirks, a few grey hairs *wailing copiously* and new favorite things. Here goes: recently, I have found myself making new friends. The old me didn’t care much, I might see someone on social media or in real life that I like but I would be thoroughly unbothered to try to get to know them, but these days I just go for it and I must say I have met some truly amazing human beings and I love it! My love for makeup has resurrected from the dead. Yup! You read that right. I used to loooove makeup before, always obsessing over my brows and my lips and all that but somewhere in my mid twenties I just stopped. At first I was going through a breakup, so heartbroken and did not care if my brows aligned or that my lips were chapped. Then I got better and got over it but I never really got back into the art of makeup again, I mean I would barely draw my brows, slap on eyeliner and sheer lip gloss and call it a day! Things like foundation and concealer were as foreign to my brain as further maths and I never knew if there was any going back but then, boom! I woke up one morning and took a hard look at my face and said nope! This crap has got to stop and so I went on youtube and also took notes from my good friend who is a makeup artist and voila! The girl is back. These days, I actually sit down to conceal my brows and contour my face, who would have thought? Yup! You guessed it, Adaugo got her groove back!!!


In case you forgot what I look like...

I am still obsessed with novels, but guys guess what? My love for Danielle Steele has greatly dwindled. Somewhere along the way her books just got too serious and I found myself gravitating back to Nora Roberts and back to happy, bright and shiny and romantic books. I recently discovered Sophie Kinsella and I am blown away by her.


Still love perfumes (that will never change) still love jewellery and red nail polish, I am still a badass cook; my cooking skills are getting better and better(my brothers will testify!) still obsessed with TV series but I must admit that I am completely, irrevocably over Grey’s Anatomy! I know I was the number one fan of the show but come on! All my cherished characters are dead and I just quit. My current number one is This Is It. Gosh! I cry every episode and I love it. It is just so beautifully written and really, there is no flaw.


photo credit: Google

I am still in love with Game of Thrones(I might need therapy cos it’s the last season) and all the usual suspects. Still obsessed with frozen grapes (although Lagos and erratic power supply won’t allow me to be great) still winning the daily battle with depression and anxiety and allowing the peace of God to reign in my heart and calm my soul and for the grand finale….*drum roll* I have a nephew!!! On the 16th of February, my sister gave me a bouncing baby boy and I am completely and utterly awestruck and in love.


meet my yummy nephew: Baby Philip

There you have it my people. Hope I haven’t changed too much?

They always say time changes thing, but you actually have to change them yourself…”– Andy Warhol

The World Is Full of Strange Men!…

Can we just agree that the world is filled with strange, weird men who do things that we might never understand? While I will be the first to admit that I know a lot of wonderful, amazing, smart men, I will also say that there are some of them that once in a while shock the crap out of me. Let me tell you about one I encountered some days ago.

So my brothers and I decided to hang out somewhere other than our living room and it was a beautiful night out, a lot of fun was had and  the evening was almost coming to an end when one of my brothers decided for us to check out the seafood restaurant next door so off we went.


We scanned the menu, placed our to go order and just stood around waiting when the manager walked up to me and inquired about the service that was being rendered. He was super nice and so easy going and somehow we got talking and it became a really interesting conversation. You know those rare times you are able to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and like; you really talk? Yeah, we had one of those moments and I was really excited to meet this new guy who seemed to watch all my TV shows and shared similar interests with me. We stood talking for a really long time but I had to take my brothers home and so we reluctantly brought our conversation to a halt, exchanged numbers and I headed home. Soon as we got into the car, he texted and we pretty much texted the entire ride home.

So I got home, and somewhere along the conversation we switched to face time and the conversation was going smoothly until suddenly he got up to get something and when he came back???? You guessed it! He was in his birthday suit. While my mouth was still hanging open from utter shock, he goes: “yeah…so you wanna get comfortable too”? I honestly couldn’t think of a word to say so I just clicked off, blocked him and  attempted to sleep. How on earth did we go from talking about our craziest Christmas experiences to him being in his birthday suit? Strange, strange, a little shocking, a tad funny, but mostly weird.

I was really bummed out because he seemed like a really interesting guy! Seriously though, this New Year, I am in the mood for some normal. Normal as in: not married or engaged or serially dating or weird enough to strip naked on face time to someone you met two hours ago, sigh.

If you want some normal, say: me!!!

…”And suddenly, we were strangers again“.- Anonymous

Tell Me…

If you are a writer, there is nothing as daunting as a blinking cursor. Nothing as taunting as that little black line, blinking away daring you to write but you have no words so you just sit there and stare, stare at it until you slam your laptop close in frustration. There is nothing as frustrating as reaching for your phone because you thought you heard a beep only to find that it was a phantom beep; no one sent you a message, no one is calling.  Your mind is playing tricks on you because you want your phone to beep, you want a call or text or something! nothing as painful as scrolling through your timeline, seeing your friends celebrating milestones, and achieving great things. There is nothing quite like sucking it up, repressing that surge of envy and typing them a congratulatory message…

“So and so asked me out and I don’t want to date any of them, I don’t have the time to date because I am trying to…” it’s painful to hear because you cannot relate but you smile anyway. The only man that has spoken to you in months is the doorman at your apartment, asking you if you had a good day and telling you that you have mail. Tell me what is worse than seeing your plans unravel, adjusting and resizing your dreams because they just won’t work out like you hope they would. Does it get lonelier that screaming in the shower and standing there till the hot water runs out and you are forced to get out of the tub?


A lonely street…photo Credit: Me

What bigger lie is there than “I am fine”? Even when everything inside of you aches, when uncertainty and doubts and insecurities have pitched tents in your head, but you smile anyway because it is easier to say “I’m fine” than to try and explain why you cry yourself to sleep every night. What hurts more when your friends fail to support you and be there for you when you need them the most? Or when you stop confiding in them altogether because your problems are starting to sound depressing even to you? So the bottle of henney you stashed away in your room becomes your best friend and you spend hours and hours on social media because it feels good to watch funny videos and to read about other people’s misfortune for a change…

Your social media presence is quite strong, your posts and pictures are carefully selected, and well picked out and the likes are pouring in by the numbers. But then you make the mistake of  giving  yourself the false belief that if people don’t like you in real life, at least they like your pictures and status updates. Tell me what is more ignorant than saying “Oh, He/She is fine, I saw their status update and pictures the other day” don’t you know that people are not all they seem to post? We often lie to ourselves, especially we Africans that everything is alright, that all is well. Nobody takes mental health seriously and if you say you want to see a shrink or seek psychiatric help, you are instantly labelled crazy.

This probably wasn’t a happy post to read was it? But it’s real, and if we tell ourselves the truth, we have all found ourselves in one or more of the aforementioned situations. Lend a listening ear, a hug, your time or whatever it is you can if you sense that the people you love might need it. Do something!

This is real, I am one to talk; I should know.

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

You say you’re ‘depressed’ – all I see is resilience. You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective – it just means you’re human.”― David Mitchell


On Broken Teeth and Broken Roofs..

So I mentioned a while ago that my tooth mysteriously broke right? Right. So this tooth broke and I was living in terrible pain for months. My nerves were exposed so I could neither eat nor drink nor chew nor even smile. I was in deep torment but I did not want to deal with the extraction. However, last week I bit the bullet and went in for a tooth extraction and though I am still recovering from the process, I feel awesome! I feel so relieved, I am gradually able to chew again, to smile again, to do all those things I couldn’t do and it has been bliss.

Now, let us liken a broken or decayed tooth to the friends we have. The Bible tells us of a man who was paralyzed and bed ridden and was in a very helpless situation. His friends heard that the Lord Jesus was in town and they took their friend to go see him. When they got there the place was so packed that there was literally no path to carry their bed ridden friend inside the building. When it seemed like all hope was lost, they looked up and saw the roof and then they climbed up to what I will assume was someone else’s house and they broke the roof. When the roof caved in, they lowered their friend in until he lay at the feet of Jesus. Of course this caught the Lord’s attention and when he looked at the faith of his friends, the sheer ferocity with which they believed that He would heal their friend, He said the word and the man who had been carried in through the roof, got up and walked.

This is to me is friendship, love in its purest form. When they got the house and found it full, they could have been discouraged and left but they didn’t, they broke the damn roof of a building that did not belong to them! They did the impossible, they believed for their friend who did not believe as much as they did and that singular act brought about their friends healing. Let me ask you what I have been asking myself; will the friends you have right now break the roof for you literally or figuratively? Will they go the extra mile to see that all is well with you? Do they pray for you, correct you, encourage you, cover in you love, defend you and put your needs above their own? Will they open their home to you if you need shelter or their wallets to you when you are in need? If they do not, then perhaps this is worth thinking about. I do not take friendship lightly, I never have. It is a sacred bond, and a very big deal to open up to someone, let them in, and tell them your deepest thoughts and dreams, to love them even when they sometimes hurt you, to tell them things about you and your past that very few people on earth know, not even your parents! that to me is sacred and is not an opportunity to be given at random.

My tooth was broken and hurting and it had to go. People that add no value to you have to go. I have been asking myself how good a friend I am; will I break the roof for my friends? I will also be the first to admit that I am not always a good friend, I become so self involved in my own issues and I forget that others need me and are going through issues too, and I am trying to change. I have few friends, and I love them and pray for them and cover them as much as I can, I will not rest on my oars though, I will keep striving till I become that friend that the Bible teaches us about, the friend that sticks closer than a brother/sister.

Ps: My beautiful, precious, adorable niece is here and I will share her pictures and her birth story in the next post so watch this space!

True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island… to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him or her is a blessing.”- Baltasar Gracian


A Stranger’s Kindness


Dear Diary,

It was a really long day. Emotionally tasking and physically draining. Walking to the bus station seemed like a herculean task and as I struggled to put one foot in front of the other, I found myself doing that which came naturally to me; crying. So I stood there, in the middle of Lindbergh station, bawling my eyes out, feeling the weight in every inch of my body. I could care less if anyone was watching me cry, I just knew I needed to ease the tight feeling in my chest and too bad if I was on the road. It was a windy day and my tears dried before they reached my lips, leaving streaks in my makeup and what was left of my eyeliner, I looked a mess.


I needed to blow my nose so bad so I dug frantically in my handbag looking for tissue and I could not find any, somehow that made me even sadder. Now this is America, if you strip naked on the road people will probably walk right through you, because everyone is always in motion, and they just keep moving. Still digging through my bag in a frenzy, I felt a hand on my shoulder and the person said to me; here, you need this and handed me a pack of tissue. I took it buried my face in it for a minute, finally feeling shame and remembering where I was. When I looked up, the person who handed me the tissue was a man, dressed as a woman, make up and all.

He led me to the nearest park bench and asked me what was wrong and if I wanted to talk about it and the words came spewing from nowhere and we talked and talked. The bus came and went and we did not notice, this stranger somehow, had taken my pain away. He offered to buy me coffee but the next bus had come and I really wanted to go home so I declined politely. He encouraged me some more, gave me the warmest most comforting hug and thanked me for not looking at him like a crazy person. He was walking away and I called out to him and said; thank you so much, God bless you and Jesus loves you…His eyes lit up at that and he gave me his card and walked away.

I finally got on the bus and I thought about the experience I just had with a total stranger. I  was standing in the middle of the road, crying my heart out and straight, regular people walked by without a second glance. Not that they owed me anything but still, they did not care. This man, who is kind of confused about his gender and  judged by many to be crazy was the only one that stopped to show me basic human kindness and a love that trumped race and orientation. We are often quick to judge, condemn and dismiss people based on their outward looks, quick to label and call them names forgetting that we cannot reach anyone unless we do it in love and tolerance and humility. How as a Christian, do you hope to convert an unbeliever if you refuse to associate with them or talk to them? How will you tell them of God’s love, a God they do not know and  cannot see if you who they can see refuse to show them love? We cannot change anybody by sheer will power, only the Holy Spirit can do that. Our job is to obey the greatest commandment of all, to love our neighbors and to show them the way to God’s heart through love and patience rather than condemnation and disdain, at the end of the day, we are all broken. Whether or not we admit it, we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God and we all need Jesus.

Your life style, the words you speak and how you conduct yourself might be the only Bible an unbeliever ever gets to read, your life is a message, what are you saying? I made a friend today, and somehow someday I will invite him to Church but until then, I will be loving and kind to him, to show him a glimpse of the restoring power of the Love of God.

“It’s not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not. We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, especially when we’d prefer not to be.”- Josh Radnor