Grow old with me…

 

I have always been a romantic I think. All my life, as far back as I can remember I have been slightly obsessed with the notion of love. My sister and I had countless “wedding” ceremonies with our white bed sheets as my gown and veil, and of course my dolls were my babies and I would religiously bathe and feed them without fail. Any way, my point is that I have always loved love, the whole idea of it. I had a great aunt and uncle, they’ve both gone to be with the Lord now but when they were alive, boy! Their love was lit.  My Uncle was in his late nineties and his wife was in her late eighties. He was blind and she was hard of hearing but they were still so in love it was so beautiful to watch.

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One of the many highlights of my annual trip to the village was going to their house to just sit and bask in their love. Now, my aunt was a terrible cook, it was so hard to eat her meals with a straight face (if my mum or my sister reads this they’ll laugh so hard!) but yeah her food was bad. Despite the taste, you should have seen my uncle eating this food. He would eat everything and lavish praises on her telling her she was the best cook in the land, and even though he would have one of my cousins give him something else to eat later, he always ate her meals and praised her so loudly. I saw her sit on his legs countless times and though they were practically toothless, they still kissed so passionately. Eventually my uncle passed away at the ripe old age of 102 and he would tell all of us who cared to listen that the secret to his long life was God and his good wife. My aunt was so depressed after he died, she wouldn’t talk to anyone but him. She would go to his grave and sit there all day, under the sun and in the rain and tell him all about her day and only left his gave side when it was time for her to sleep. None of us were surprised when she followed him a few months later, peacefully in her sleep.

I hadn’t thought of my aunt and uncle in years until this evening when I saw this old couple on the bus. I couldn’t make out what they were saying but it was so clear that they were having a funny discussion because they kept laughing and when the old lady started crying from laughing too much, her husband used the tip of his tie to dab slowly at her eyes. She looked up at him and kissed him and my heart just melted, sigh… I couldn’t help myself so I asked them how long they’ve been married and the old lady smiled at me and said; fifty years today…

I thought about them as I walked back home, fifty years, wow! Goals, certainly. They didn’t live their lives on social media and post every little detail and gesture. They didn’t text instead of talking or post cryptic messages instead of admitting their true feelings, they did things the old school way and that’s the way I think it was always meant to be.

So Dear Future Husband, if you’re reading this: (yes, I realize how cheesy I sound) and I hope that you might be, let’s do our love the old school way, how I think things were always meant to be. Let’s laugh until we are old and toothless and embarrass our grand children with our public displays of affection, grow old with me…

In my life I have found two things of priceless worth – learning and loving. Nothing else – not fame, not power, not achievement for its own sake – can possible have the same lasting value. For when your life is over, if you can say ‘I have learned’ and ‘I have loved,’ you will also be able to say ‘I have been happy.” – Arthur C. Clarke

 

All The Things We Think Love Is, and All The Things Love Isn’t…

 

Right now, love has to be the most misused and misconstrued word that there is. It’s almost as if the entire world is fighting so hard to define what love should be, and to conceal what it actually is. Everybody has their own definition of the greatest word of all, and unfortunately it has nothing to do with what love actually is. For me, there is only one definition of love and it can be found in 1st Corinthians 13, vs: 4-8:

                ” 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”

So I started watching Scandal all over again because for some weird reason this ongoing electoral process in the States made me want to watch the early seasons again.As I was watching, I got to a scene where senator Edison, who was hopelessly in love with Olivia Pope at the time was trying to get her to love him back and think about marrying him but she wouldn’t budge. He got frustrated and asked her why and she told him that she could not love him back because loving him was easy, and that she didn’t want easy. She wanted hard, painful, difficult and complicated, she basically told him that she wanted a love that would rip her to shreds from the pain it brought and when she was done talking, the senator looked at her and said: Love is nothing like what you have just described Olivia, love shouldn’t be painful or difficult or heart breaking, if it’s all that to you then that isn’t love. Love is beautiful Olivia and it’s a shame you don’t see it.

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I have probably watched that scene like ten times; in fact, I only stopped watching it so I could write this. I kept rewinding it because that was such a profound statement. I know that Scandal is just a TV show but man! Isn’t that the truth? I love you  means less and less every day. What has love become? In fact these days, the people who literally hate you are the ones who “love” you the most. The friends slandering your name will text you and say: “hey love!” the woman enduring physical, mental and verbal abuse from her husband and the father of her children is standing in harm’s way because maybe she thinks that’s his own way of showing her that he “loves” her. The married man who is simultaneously cheating on his wife and stringing his mistress along happens to be in “love ” with all the women in his life. The guy who has no intention of marrying the girl he’s with and sees no future with her will keep telling her that he “loves” her, because it shuts up her questions and keeps her sprung.

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If your love doesn’t hold up to the standards in first Corinthians then maybe you should look again. If he loves you, he will honor your body until he marries you because contrary to popular belief you can both do without sex. If he loves you, he will not cheat, or lie or beat you or harm your kids. If she loves you she will respect you, and take care of you and be the help meet that God made her to be, not give you lip and question your authority as the man of the home. If your friends love you, they will correct you when you are wrong rather than gossip about you, they will cover you in prayers and hold you up when you fall because love is patient and kind and it covers a multitude of sins. They will celebrate with you when you succeed rather than scowl in a corner and envy you because love does not envy. They will forgive you easily because love is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrong doings.

Love is a word that should not be misused. It’s too sacred, too deep to be carelessly tossed around the way it is these days. Love never fails. The bible was very clear on that so if it keeps failing you and beating you up and hurting you and making you cry every single time, then no, it is not love it is a poor imitation. Perfect love casts out fear, so if you have to compromise to keep him or her in your life, if you are always afraid they will walk away, then that isn’t love because the one thing that love is not is unsure. Love is always sure. Love is humble, there is not a trace of pride in it. So if your love is tainted with pride, well you already know what the answer is…

The true definition of love might seem lofty, difficult even especially in this world we live in today, but when you get it just right, when you love like you are supposed to, it makes all the difference in the world. So here’s to love, to real love, to not settling, and to loving exactly the way God taught us to. Here’s to loving ourselves, our spouses, our friends, our neighbors and even our enemies, yes even our enemies. Nobody said it was going to be easy.

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”Martin Luther King, Jr.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”Jesus Christ

When you say I love you, mean it!” Adaugo

 

Don’t settle!

Hi people!

So this is a short, random post about my experience at the nail salon recently. You guys know me, always finding deep meanings in random happenings lol!

I went to get my nails done, because I had really long false nails on and I have a lot of typing coming up so I wanted my own nails for a change. I painstakingly explained to the Chinese nail technician what I wanted and I thought we understood each other. Boy was I wrong! 

I just patiently looked on as she did her thing and when she was done I wasn’t happy with my results, they were way too long and she said my own nails weren’t long enough. I told her again like I told her before that I knew my nails were short and that’s how I wanted them so I stood my ground and told her I wanted them short like we agreed earlier.

So after a lot of back and forth she came on board, took off the false nails and let me have mine😊😁 and all is well with the world.

All mine, just like I wanted…

What’s the lesson you ask? It’s simple; don’t settle. I would have kept quiet and went home completely dissatisfied cos I didn’t want to upset my nail tech or make a scene but I knew what I wanted, long nails and keyboards don’t get along so I stuck to my gun and I got my desired results in the end. So whatever crossroads you find yourself at be it at work, in life or relationships, where ever. If you can have better, go for it! Don’t keep quiet and please don’t settle!

Ps: I typed this post from my phone, this new word press app is pretty cool guys. Check it out. (For my fellow writers)

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”Maureen Dowd

Sex and the $3.99…!

 

So I’m sitting in my living room, bored out of my mind. Everyone is out and I am sitting here contemplating world peace at the back of my mind. So I decided to watch Sex and the City, a movie I have always loved and wanted to watch again, but it wasn’t free on my cable so I decided to be Nigerian and download it. So I waited and waited, and while it took it’s sweet time downloading, I made dinner, then I cleaned up the kitchen, took a shower, grabbed my dinner and  a tall glass of water and ice ( my equivalent for popcorn and wine) and finally settled down to watch my movie.

Imagine my dismay when I found out the movie was the Spanish version! I was so disappointed and it didn’t even have translation, sigh…determined to watch the movie I went back to my TV trying to see if the rent option was cheap and in my hurry, I clicked on “rent now” mistakenly! Well, the damage was already done so I decided to watch the movie. Two hours later, I look up from my phone (which by the way I’d been on all through the movie) only to see the finishing credits, I had missed the movie! it wasn’t what I had remembered it to be and so it dawned on me that this is $3.99 and two hours of my life that I’ll never get back.

But hey, it wasn’t entirely a waste. I learned a life lesson or two from this fiasco. I learned to pay more attention. In my haste to download the movie the first time, I missed the fact that it was the Spanish version, I mean it was written right there, I just didn’t look. I also learned to leave stuff alone sometimes. I could have figured out another thing to watch that was free on cable, but no I had to go back to Sex and the City even though I knew it wasn’t free and somehow I accidentally clicked on it and it cost me money! at the end of the day, some things are better left alone, in the past where they belong, it might feel good to want to do them again but you’ll feel stupid when you realize you had no business going back in the first place. Having said all these, I am going to watch it all over again, without my phone this time because I paid for it, I might as well!

So that’s how my Saturday night went or should I say is going. I really should go out more often. Hope you guys had a better weekend than I’m having?

Miracles

 

Miracles from Heaven. This movie has changed my life immensely. It was quite an emotional movie and I wept while I watched, but at the end of the movie, I felt a peace and joy that I haven’t felt in a while and a reassurance that God is still in the business of performing miracles, we just have to position ourselves to receive them. I highly recommend that you all watch it, it is an awe inspiring movie. So today, I would like to share with you guys a miracle that God gave to me in 2013.

As at March 2013, I didn’t have a job and I was MISERABLE! I was so depressed and I hated myself. I went for countless interviews; in areas of Lagos that I didn’t even know existed. It was an exhausting cycle of rejection emails. Each time I got my hopes up and each time they came crashing down. I stopped praying and just went about my life sad and beaten down. All that however changed on a Sunday night. I remember vividly not wanting to go for that service because I had already gone to Church in the morning and I couldn’t be bothered to go twice, but my mother made me, so I reluctantly went to the room to look for a scarf to cover my untidy hair and follow her (I was too broke to even make my hair)

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We were a little late so the worship session was already underway and I just sat quietly at the back and put my head down but somewhere during the worship, I started humming along and before I knew it I was overwhelmed by the love and presence of God and I was singing at the top of my lungs, completely oblivious to my surroundings. After the worship came the word and it felt as though God had told my pastor everything I was dealing with, I remember my mum looking back one time to see if I was hearing what she was hearing. And then it was time to pray and I did something I had never done before. I walked to the altar and lay on the ground and told God all my frustrations and that I wanted a job asap. I didn’t even care who was watching or that my clothes were stained. All I cared about was emptying my heart at my saviour’s feet. The service ended and we went home.

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We had just walked into the house when my phone rang and a very well spoken lady asked if she was speaking to Amara and when I confirmed it was me, she started to apologise profusely for not calling me earlier and that I had an interview scheduled for the next day which was Monday. I was rendered speechless and just a little confused because I had no clue who she was, how she got my number and what company she was talking about, she told me to look out for an email with details and that she’d see me tomorrow. I was dazed to say the least, I ran to my mum’s room screaming and dancing and my sister and I figured out what I was going to wear the next day.

I was so clueless about the company and the interview I was going to, so clueless that I had to read about them on the bus ride to the island. I got there and I couldn’t believe my eyes. The environment was so serene and I got such a warm reception. The two ladies that interviewed me were so friendly and awesome and it just felt like we were three old friends catching up with each other. To cut this long story short, it all played out like a dream. I went for a follow up interview with the CEO and in a matter of days the job was mine. It was so surreal, but God didn’t end there. Two days after I resumed I went on an official trip where I met a governor for the first time in my life! And I was paid enough money for that trip that I was able to buy myself a new blackberry. Till date, the ladies who interviewed me who by the way are now two of my closest friends refused to tell me how they got my resume. I NEVER applied for that job, I didn’t even know about the company till I got there, but somehow they got my resume and hired me out of the ten more qualified applicants!

God orchestrated my working for that company perfectly. The first time I went to America, they sent me there all expenses paid. It was like a movie to me, I found myself at the white house taking pictures and it dawned on me how far God had brought me. I live in America today and I would never have been able to do my masters here and stay if I hadn’t gone on that first trip to Washington DC. You see how one miracle sprouted many more? It’s a gift that keeps on giving.

I am sharing this story because I have been going through some difficult times and I completely focused on all that was going wrong and I forgot about the God that brought me here, against all odds in the first place. Don’t let the devil rob you of the greatness that God has for you; don’t limit God and His infinite power. Miracles still happen, and if they happened for me they will definitely happen for you. By the way I have a brand new miracle! I’ll share it soon, watch this space.

Knowing there’s one thing I still haven’t told you: I now believe, by the way, that miracles can happen. ”― Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”Albert Einstein