All The Things I Meant To Say…

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The thing about time is that we think we have it in abundance when in fact, we do not. Nobody sets out planning the last thing they want to say to a loved one just in case they never see again, each time we say good bye we naively assume that we will see or speak to each other again, sadly it doesn’t always work out that way.

I have had my share of loss and grief, God knows I have. I have lost family members and very dear friends, I’m actually still hurting from the two I lost early last year, both of them newlyweds, none of them lived to see their first wedding anniversary. The thing about grief is that it never really passes, years and years after, one memory reminds you of that loss and in that moment you feel that pain in overwhelming tides all over again.

The pain that prompted me to write this, is a comment on this post that I just stumbled upon. This was a post I wrote when I first started this blog. My late friend Swachy, commended my writing and told me that she loved me. I am pretty sure that I did not tell her I loved her too, or that I even thanked her for the comment. I took for granted that I would tell her another time.

This is post is for everyone that I love that has gone to be with the Lord, if I could see you all one more time, I would tell you how much I love and appreciate you, how deeply thankful I am to have had you in my life for the short time I did, how much you made me laugh. I would tell my friend Kunle that I have successfully stopped abbreviating when I am texting or sending emails, I would tell my friend Ada that I took her advice and I stopped drinking coke everyday, I would tell my grandma that I always give my tithes and offerings in Church like she taught me, I would tell Swachy that I am over him and that I don’t cry over boys anymore, I would tell both my aunts that I finally got my masters degree like they wanted me to, I would tell my friend Cynthia that I found that handbag she had been wanting to buy, I would tell my cousin Agugua that I memorized that song he made us listen to every minute and I would tell my friend peter that I never go to bed mad anymore thanks to him. I would tell each one of them every single thing I meant to tell them that I never got around to telling them.

I hope I never have to type another facebook tribute to anyone ever again, I hope I can let the people in my life know how much they mean to me, as often as I can, while they can hear me, that there won’t be any doubt as to how much I value their presence in my life. Tell the people in your life how much you love them, as much as you can, while they can still hear you, don’t be like me. Carrying around the weight of all the things you meant to say but never said, is downright painful.

Photo credit: Google

#22 Things About This Girl (The Sequel)

Writing this post last year was one of the highlights on this blog for me.see—>  here   It was the post I had the most fun writing, and I remembered parts of myself that I had forgotten for so long. However, it has been a year and things have changed so I thought I would revisit the list and see what parts of me have changed and remained the same. In order for this sequel to make sense to you, you have to click on the link above to read the first one so you can understand where I am coming from.

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Yours Truly

    1. I still love my Lord and savior, that hasn’t and will never change.
    2. I think I cooked so much last year that I have become an even better cook, practice really does make perfect, so dear future husband I definitely have you covered.
    3. I was very busy with school last year, so it didn’t leave me much time to read any novels. I miss my boxes of books back home though.
    4. I still stutter and I think I have started talking even faster than before, to the point where the people I considered to be pros at deciphering my words no longer can. I should put all that energy into becoming a rapper maybe.
    5. This girl is still very much a day dreamer. Some of my dreams are starting to look feasible though, so fingers crossed.
    6. I haven’t done any sort of rehearsals or sang seriously for over a year now so my voice is quite rusty but, its still in there somewhere.
    7. I still cannot sew to save my life! I attempted a couple of times and I have officially given up. Some things will never change and my sewing skills definitely will not.
    8. My fear of rats have simmered down simply because I haven’t seen any since I have been abroad, but I am very sure the moment I come home it will resurface.
    9. I still CANNOT walk into a party by myself, it still dates back to when I was sixteen and no, you cannot ask me why.
    10. Guys, bad news! the day after I left home, my mother ordered my brothers to throw out my perfume bottles, all of them! I might need therapy to get over the pain I felt. I have since started a new collection.
    11. I haven’t worn my glasses in a while now, found myself needing them less and less so bye  bye astigmatism.
    12. Perfectly drawn brows are still very much my thing, that’s a given.
    13. Ah! this one is a legend, it doesn’t need any changing. The first time I got a laptop many many years ago, I wouldn’t let anyone copy my music or my movies, I was afraid they would finish it and I would have nothing to listen to or watch.
    14. Wristwatches and earrings are still some of my vices. Rings on the other hand, not so much. Well except for the one that will matter *clears throat*
    15. Hahaha! this one is another legend that has to remain the same. My sister once slapped me while she was asleep, what a way to wake me up!
    16. I wrote a book when I was nine, it was never published though. I am working on another book now, nineteen years later. This time around it will be published! watch this space.
    17. Ah! my love affair with music, one of the constants in my life. Music is always there when it is needed.
    18. I am still restless, although nobody calls me that anymore. I still cannot sip my drinks, I have been conditioned to gulp unless its a scalding cup of coffee. As for untangling cords and chewing candy, well your guess is as good as mine.
    19. I still love all my siblings fiercely. That will NEVER change. My baby sister is getting married real soon though, I am an emotional wreck.
    20. My club Chelsea has broken my heart so many times this season that my love for soccer has gone from hot to lukewarm to cold. I haven’t kept up in months.
    21. My love for sleep is still waxing strong, I am yet to find anyone who hates to sleep.
    22. I watched so many series this past year, I cannot name them all but my classics still remain. Even though Game of thrones and Greys anatomy broke my heart, I am still patiently waiting for the new seasons,story of my life, sigh.

I am still thankful for my readers, who still remember to come to my page though I haven’t been posting much of late. Those who took the time to send me emails, asking if I was OK, you will never know how much joy that gave me, thanks my people!

So there you have it, have I changed much?

 

From One ″Side Chick″ To Another…

Ho ho ho! I am not a side chick oh! But now that I have your attention, let us talk about this phenomenon that seems to be the in thing today. First of all, who is a side chick? A side chick is a woman who may or may not be fully aware of the fact that the man she is in a relationship with, is in a ‘serious’ relationship with another woman. The way I see it, there are three categories of side chicks (this is beginning to sound like I’m writing a paper for my professor )

The type A side chick usually doesn’t mind that she is not the only one, she is less emotionally involved with the man and is satisfied with all the perks that come from being a side chick. Her thinking is that as long as the money, trips, cars and whatever else keeps rolling in then she is just fine where she is.

Now the type B side chick has fallen in love with the man in question, knowing that he is unavailable, but can’t seem to break things off with him. She is not in it for the money or the perks, she is just happy to spend whatever time she can get with him. This is quite sad because the man is almost never there as he is quite involved with his main chick who in this case might be a wife, fiancée or girlfriend. The type B side chick is very aware of this but will still hang on, harboring hopes that one day he will be all hers. Sigh, dreams.

The type C side chick on the other hand, has no idea that she is a side chick. She is the main chick who just happens to be the side chick. Sounds complicated right? A lot of women including yours truly, have found themselves in this category and sometimes it is very well known to everyone else except for them.

 Wouldn’t life be a whole lot easier if people would just use the common sense that God gave to them and stay faithful to their partners? no, they have to mess things up by leading a string of women and men along. Some women have their fair share of side guys as well. Has monogamy completely died? Is it still possible for a couple to commit to each other and just stay committed? I was at the nail shop the other day and I heard this lady saying that it was wishful thinking to assume that your husband would never cheat on you, that men will cheat, so just pick one already and accept your lot in life. That statement tugged at my heart all day, but I refuse to believe it. I might sound naive, but I still believe in monogamy.

In the spirit of the new year, wouldn’t it be nice if side chicks and guys all over the world decide to just stop? To just walk away from this toxic phenomenon that has become so rampant it’s no longer shocking? Decide to leave couples be, and try to find their own? I wish.
In a world that should be black and white, there are so many shades of grey, it’s no wonder we have all become color blind.

This Thing Called Assumption…

Some time ago, my boss said to a couple of us at a team meeting: assumption makes an ass of you, before you conclude always ask, never take any outcome for granted. I took that saying to heart and it has helped me stop breaking metaphorical bones while leaping into conclusions.

This thing called assumption has ruined many friendships, and has broken many hearts. The world we live in is now so fast paced, we hardly take the time to think anything through or read the fine prints. Case in point, an acquaintance Ms. O. Now, Ms. O met this guy on social media, facebook to be precise. She sent him a message and they began communicating. She had painstakingly gone through all his posts and pictures, stalked him on instagram as well as twitter and had successfully constructed a personality for him that she was quickly falling in love with, forgetting the profound fact that he is not his posts. The person he was on social media had nothing to do with who she thought he was and she had fallen hard.

Ms. O would slip into depression if he didn’t reply her messages quickly enough and this went on for months. One day she saw an update from him, he had posted a picture in which he had proposed to the girl he had been dating since he was in high school! Poor Ms. O, she wept for days and became so distraught so I could not help but wonder: at what point did she assume they were in a relationship and that he felt the same way about her? he never told her he loved her or gave her any impression that they were anything other than friends still she was able to get her feelings all messed up all because she assumed.

Nobody ever died by asking questions or seeking clarification, it is really important to ask, and ask until you are completely sure before making any decisions or jumping into conclusions. That is one my new year resolutions, to ask before I conclude.

Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make: bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake, if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble. Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble.”- Lemony Snicket, The Austere Academy