Strange times huh? Group hug my loves. In the early days of the lock down, I was pumped for some down time and I had hoped to catch up on my writing, LOL. Life came at me so fast, my head is still spinning even as I am preparing to stroll into week eight.
How have you all been holding up? I honestly don’t have the words to express how weird life has been these past eight weeks. These are unprecedented times and frankly I have been playing it by ear. I’ll start from my birthday. As some of you might know, I turned 32 on the the 17th of March, “with a few new grey hairs I might add” I had planned an elaborate celebration, I made dinner reservations, and my friends and I were supposed to go to a fancy dinner and then party afterwards. I bought a short dress and heels! *insert gasp cause I never wear heels* I bought lashes too. I was prepared to let down my hair, shimmy into my short dress and bring in 32 with a bang but Covid was like yeah, right.
My birthday week was when whispers of the lock down began and before I knew it my reservations were cancelled and all my plans went up in smoke. For the first time in my entire life, I was alone on my birthday. Truly alone, it was surreal. My friends and my family called me all day but it was so strange to be spending the day alone. I had been in denial and didn’t want to stock up on food and necessities but my birthday woke me up so I spent a good chunk of the day hustling in line for groceries. I remember my mum calling me when I was at the store and she got emotional on the phone when she was praying for me and I stood right there on the startlingly empty paper towel and tissue isle, bawling my eyes out and afraid to wipe my tears because I didn’t want to touch my face. I eventually made it back home, my friend J.M sent me a heavenly slice of cheesecake and all was well with me.
This time alone has been interesting for me. I quickly realized that even though I cherish my solitude and love living alone, the lock down was a different kind of lonely. I wasn’t staying home because I wanted to but because I had to and I literally couldn’t go anywhere. I found myself stripped of all my coping mechanisms, and I didn’t know what to do with myself, I still don’t. Sometimes when I have a bad day, a walk through the thrift store cheers me up immediately. That was truly my happy place. Getting my nails done or my brows waxed, taking myself out to lunch or dinner, seeing a movie, dressing up and going to Church, these were things that gave me joy and perked me up but suddenly they were all gone and I was forced to sit with my feelings and find peace without my emotional crutches. Thankfully, my mental health has been somewhat stable, there have been some bad days but overall, I have been a trooper.
My perspective of life has greatly shifted. So many things don’t matter as urgently as they used to. Life has in a way become more beautiful. I am in touch with myself and my feelings, I am grateful for the quiet, I can hear myself clearly, I am so deeply thankful for my friends and my family and for FaceTime and video calling. I have put out old flames and lit new ones in my life. I have found pleasure in tasks as simple as lighting a scented candle, going outside to throw away my trash, taking long walks, music and in many glasses of wine. We sure live in scary times, the death toll from this dreadful disease and just 2020 as a whole has been a nightmare but it is important now more than ever for us to count our blessings and choose joy.
I hope you all are safe and well. I look forward to the day when I can see my friends again, to hosting my birthday dinner, to long walks at the mall, to waxing the forest that has become my brows, going to Church and finding a way to achieve some normalcy in my life again. I hope that the year takes a turn for the better and I hope that we all make it out of these crazy times in one piece. Sending you all my love, we will get through this.
“Our pleasures were simple – they included survival.”- Dwight D. Eisenhower