Dating in 2021; Why Watch A Horror Movie When You Can Date?!

My people,

If you could see me right now, you would see the big smile on my face because after months of trying to write, I am finally getting to it. Now, I know the title of this post sounds a bit dramatic but that’s how it feels to me and I just wanted to vent, thankfully this is a safe space. Now, let’s get into it.

Dear Diary,

I will try to be as honest as I possibly can on this one.

You know that I am an optimistic person, I truly am but I think finally this one has beaten me down. A few days ago, I had one of the most open and vulnerable talks with my mum. She needed to stay awake, and we just got talking and I found myself telling her EVERYTHING. Me: I am sick of dating mum, I quit! Mum: isi ginni? Why??? Me: *deep sigh, where do I begin?

A few months ago, I decided to put myself out there like everyone told me to. The idea of online dating doesn’t appeal much to me but in the spirit of being open minded, I decided to try. My online dating profile literally read: “Put yourself out there they said, well here I am.” A few guys got a chuckle or two from my quirky write up, and then there were the usual strange ones that said everything without saying a damn thing but then there were a few that stood out to me and left my mouth agape. For their privacy, I will refer to them with nicknames that I have derived from our interactions, here goes:

Mr. Sex Drive

On paper he looked gooooood, very good. Really tall, good looking, Igbo (huge plus because Igbo men are my weakness), very fluent, said all the right things, the conversations were really good, I could go on and on. There were a few deal breakers here and there and I can’t really go into details without giving him away, but I told myself that maybe we could make it work. After a few long and interesting conversations, we decided to meet up. On my way there I was lowkey uneasy, but I shrugged it off and attributed it to “butterflies”. I got there, we exchanged pleasantries and proceeded to walk down to where we were headed. Less than two minutes into our walk, he grabs my neck and tried to kiss me, I hadn’t even taken off my mask. I was too stunned to speak. He apologized copiously and we sat down. I don’t know how I managed to get through that date. I was still reeling from earlier so I was quiet and he did most of the talking. I was zoning in and out and trying to listen. He let me know about twenty times how high his sex drive was and how he wanted a woman that could put up with his libido. I was quivering with laughter inside and it took all my self control to nod and say the occasional wow. I was so uncomfortable, my appetite had disappeared and I had rolled my eyes so much that I feared that if I rolled them anymore, I might hurt my pupils. He didn’t care though he just kept going. Even when I told him verbally that I was uncomfortable and wanted to leave, he asked me if I worked from home and that if I did, I should bring my computer over to his and work from his house so we could have sex whenever he needed. That was my last straw, I politely carried my bag, booked an uber and went home, speechless and feeling a little bit violated. It took a lot of showers to wash away that feeling, sigh.

Mr. I Want To Get Married but I don’t Want To Live With A Woman

This one was same as the first, looked somewhat good on paper, a few conversations here and there. We actually met a little over a year ago but nothing really came of it and we just kept going around in circles around each other. Sometime ago we got talking again and he just blurted out: I never want to live with a woman. I looked a little confused at first and then he went on to explain to me that he wanted to get married but he wanted separate homes because he needed his space. He said it over and over and over and I was like sir, ain’t nobody trying to marry you, simmer down. I actually respect his decision, if that’s what he wants by all means, but its definitely NOT what I want so goodbye!

These were just the two that had me shook. There was Mr. I have a fiancé, but I really like you, a few exes that crop up from time to time to stir the waters, and check if I’m still gullible no sir, there was Mr. how big are your calves? Please send pictures in heels (This one had me in stitches I won’t lie I laughed so hard) there are some I can’t even share because of how ridiculous they sound. I am not sharing these to bash these men, far from it and this might not even seem nightmarish to anyone but me, however, it is my current reality, and it is exhausting, and I just wish I could close my eyes and skip to the end already. I won’t give up though, I have some outstanding men in my life, so I am sure that good men still exist and one day I’ll cross paths with one. But in the meantime, I don’t have any small talk left in me, I might have to create a template of my favorite things and other FAQs and have them on hand because if I have to answer what my favorite color is one more time, I might cry.

Pls share your dating horror stories with me in the comments, so we can laugh with each other and group hug, because we will be just fine!..

“Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.” – Mandy Hale.