Meant To Be..

November 13, 2013,

Dear Diary.

Beep beep beep” my alarm rang on and on until I had no choice but to wake up and shut it off. I looked around my still dark room in blatant despair, all I wanted to do was sleep, it felt like I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in ages. I lay back against my damp pillows with a deep heartfelt sigh. I was hot, my feet still ached from sitting in yesterday’s traffic and I already had a headache. What will happen if I don’t go to work today? I asked myself. Realizing how stupid I sounded seeing that I had a big meeting at work, I gathered myself and proceeded to start my day. I was already cranky and irritated, it wasn’t even sun up yet and everything was grating on my nerves. By some miracle I stopped pouting and managed to get out of the house on time and made my way to the bus stop.

I got on the bus and rested my head on the somewhat clean window, thankful to have even gotten the window seat. The cool early morning breeze raced along my skin and face and gave me tiny little goosebumps. Sigh, I felt a tad better. I closed my eyes and lapsed into my usual on my way to work daydreaming. In today’s episode, I didn’t have to go to work because I didn’t need to! I didn’t have any worries or stress, I wasn’t single and lonely, and I was also just served the most mouthwatering platter of fresh, delicious seafood. I imagined the sun on my face, not the harsh Nigerian sun that will almost kill you, no. This was much more exotic, on an island somewhere maybe Greece ; with my six feet tall…madam shift abeg, this place too tight. I felt a sharp jab on my hip along with his complaint and poof!.. my luxurious dreams disappeared. I tried and tried but it never came back. I opened my eyes and glared at the man for ruining my dreams but he was too busy screaming at the conductor to exchange his torn 100naira note. All of us are mad in this Lagos sha.

I finally got to work and it took me all my will power to fix my hair and put on makeup and even that did not go well, my attempt at a winged eyeliner failed so woefully and my right eyebrow wouldn’t just align with the left. I seriously considered giving up and wiping the whole mess off but I remembered how expensive my Mac powder was and common sense prevailed. So off I went to my meeting, lopsided eyeliner and all.

My body might have been at that meeting, but my spirit definitely wasn’t. I found myself doodling all over my note book and when the meeting was over, I was quite ashamed to note that I didn’t mentally participate in the two hour meeting. I glanced again at my distracted doodling : “ hearts, flowers, what am I going to have for lunch?, I hate this! I want to go back to school, masters?” these were some of the numerous thoughts racing from my brain to my pen and I had been scribbling them down while our DOP talked earnestly about team work and strategic planning. As I reached out to shut my book, the one word that leaped at me from the bottom of the page was “MASTERS” and right there at the door of the conference room, standing between the large desk and the flower vase at the door, I decided that I was going to go abroad and get my masters degree.

June 23, 2021

Oh wow! It’s been eight years since I wrote this in my journal. I found it yesterday when I was scrolling through my archives on my old hard drive, looking at pictures and reading my thoughts and reminiscing. Random fact about me: I have a hard time with letting things go. I have pictures and voicenotes and videos from more than fifteen years ago. I save everything, and they have followed me from my dead IBM of 2003 to my Acer and numerous Hps over the years and finally my Macbook in 2021. Heck I still actively play TempleRun2 on my phone even though there are no new levels, I finished that game years ago and yet everyday I play the daily challenges and collect the coins and gems just because. Sigh, I have digressed. My point is: reading that journal entry made me so thankful. Eight years ago I was in Lagos suffering through the nightmarish Ago palace way to Lekki commute and boy I was losing my mind. A lot has happened since then and I am sitting here stunned by how far I have come.

God actually set me on the right path. Before I got that job in March 2013 I was unemployed, broke and depressed for two years. That job was an answered prayer but the stress of it made me forget what a miracle it was. It was that job that sent me to America for the first time, and that trip set my life in motion. Soon after I came home, I started applying to schools and I got my admission. It took me roughly a year but by December 2014, I had gotten my student visa and quit my job and moved to America. I finished my MBA and lived there for a few years then moved back home for a while before moving again to Canada in 2018. I can’t help but be grateful for how far I’ve come since 2013, whatever bad things that may have happened to me in between is nothing compared to the life that I am living today. I love my life. Of course there’s still so much I want to do and accomplish, there always will be but today? Today I am thankful, from the depths of my soul. I am thankful to God for being mindful of me. For keeping me alive to see my dreams actually come true, and for the fact that I am alive so I have hope; hope that life can and will get better.. writing this is so cathartic for me, I haven’t been able to write in months and finally I can. If you could see me now, I have the biggest smile on my face.

I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe unequivocally that right now, in this very moment, even as I sit here typing this with my belly growling( I really want a sandwich) I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, no coincidences, it was meant to be. God knows, He sees me and I have complete faith in His timing for my life.

“If you weren’t meant to be on this Earth, you wouldn’t be here.”- K. Weikel