How Many More?

If you’re not afraid, then you’re not paying attention…Alton and Philando, these names have been ringing in my head all day, its 4am and I am laying here trying to sleep but each time I close my eyes I see Alton suffering his last seizures before he gave up and I see Philandeo just sitting there, his white tee drenched in blood, his four year old sitting helplessly in the back seat and his poor fiancee literally watching his life fade away. Every human being deserves comfort at the time of death, a hand to hold, a last prayer, one last whisper of I love you… Philando had the two most important people in his life right next to him, his fiancee and his child, still he died alone; no I love you, no prayer, not even the warmth of a human touch and the last thing he saw was an officer pointing a gun at him after shooting him severally…sigh

And then early this morning, several police officers have fallen, they were probably good men who might never kill for no apparent reason, still they died. They won’t get to go home to their families ever again, but then neither will Alton or Philandeo or Eric or Tamir or Sandra or any one of the countless people that have died by an officer’s bullet.

I am not an American, wasn’t born nor raised here, but this affects me. I am a Nigerian who found her way here to get an education, that cost an arm and leg if I may add. I am just a girl trying to make it out here, all by myself and tonight I am scared. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t do nothing except cower in my room and try to gather my thoughts by writing. Am I  supposed to run now when I see the cops, am I supposed to wear my ID on my neck because I might get shot for reaching for it? Sigh…

All I can do is pray. Pray my heart out and petition God to step in and heal this great nation, to give comfort and solace to all the families in deep mourning and also to heal my country Nigeria because we have become so used to police brutality in Nigeria, that  no one even bothers to speak of it anymore. I lost an uncle. He was shot point blank in his head, in broad daylight, for no reason. He was unarmed and he didn’t do nothing! but his death went unnoticed except by us his family who bear the burnt and remember him daily.

It’s a sad, bleak day and my heart is heavy. I know that not all cops are evil, and I fervently pray that this day heralds a change; because how many more deaths will it take for us to wake up and smell the coffee? #saytheirnames #AltonSterling #PhilandoCastile 

“We’re in an emergency situation. The United States has become an absolutely terrifying country, and I would hope that I could participate in some way in stopping the horror and the brutality.” –Wallace Shawn