I Love You, But I Love Me More…

I have wanted to write this post for a very long time, but somehow I just haven’t found the right words to say the things I really want to say because I didn’t want it to be a self help post, or just another feel good post its something that resonates with me and I wanted it to resonate with you too.

When love ends, it’s downright painful. There’s just not enough words to describe the disappointment,  the hurt, the saying good bye to all the plans and dreams, sometimes it’s a physical pain that just follows you around like a throbbing toothache. If you are lucky, time will dull the ache but once in a while, it will sneak up on you and boy it hurts! If you know my blog, then you know me because I always leave a piece of myself in everything I write so I am just going to go ahead and laugh at myself here shall we?

Once upon a break up, all I could do was cry. I cried and I cried and I listened to all the love songs on my playlists until I knew all the songs by heart, and then I prayed the pain away and then I ate, and then I stopped wearing makeup altogether and I started wearing again and then I would write soapy posts (thank goodness I never posted them!) I was on an emotional roller coaster that I couldn’t seem to get off from, and it became exhausting so one day I put on my big girl pants and I just stopped. I stopped the pity party, the relieving every word and scenario in my head and I looked at my failed relationship for what it really was. I took a good hard look at it without rose tinted glasses, I accepted my portion of the blame and I was determined to move on even if it killed me, because holding on to the what ifs was killing me, stealing my joy and my hands were figuratively bleeding from holding on to all my broken dreams.

But could I really let go? Its so easy to give yourself a pep talk and make plans to move on but at the end of the day, we’re humans, I am human and of course I didn’t move on immediately. At the back of my mind I clung to thoughts of some day. I am sure you that if you can relate to my story, you know that here’s always that one thing or person that you cannot seem to let go of, even when you know it’s bad for you, even when you know it will end up bringing more pain, and I think it is because there’s something in us that makes us want what we know we can’t have.

At the end of the day though, when all the words have been said and all the feelings have been felt, one thing is crystal clear, it’s OK to let go! To choose yourself, to love yourself enough to walk away from toxic decisions and situations. Do it for yourself, for your sanity. It is a long hard road, but it’s so worth it when you arrive at that place of peace, of acceptance, open minded and ready to go again. Hey, if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself and try again till you get it right. I love you, but I love me more…say it till you start to believe it!

“Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken.” – Albert Camus