As I lay here looking for sleep, I am convinced that loneliness knows my name, and pretty much where I live. I pick up my phone for the umpteenth time, scrolling up and down, looking for a message or a notification or even an email. Searching for some kind of clue to remind me that someone somewhere is thinking of me and that I am not alone. I looked and looked, nothing. Just as I was about to drop my phone it beeped, my heart leapt for joy at the thought that someone somewhere had remembered me, but that joy was short lived because it was just an email from school, sigh.
I dropped my phone and looked at the ceiling, frustrated and feeling like crap. The tears which are ever so familiar to me start to burn behind my lids and just as they start to fall, I catch myself real quick and I start to ask myself. Why am I crying? Why I am about to give myself a headache? Because I’m lonely? Really? People are dying and going to hell; little children in war torn countries are orphaned and have no place to go and I’m busy feeling sorry for myself? Why? Realizing how stupid I was being at the moment, I burst into laughter and somewhere between the tears and the laughter I remembered that I was not alone.
I have God, I have my family and I have my friends. It occurred to me in that moment that I was being a tad ungrateful and selfish. It also dawned on me that maybe I wasn’t the good friend I thought I was. What stopped me from picking up my phone to call or text friends I hadn’t heard from in ages? So I did. I picked up my phone and I called my friend to whom I hadn’t spoken with in a long time and she sounded like she was crying too, and to my utmost surprise she told me that she was crying because she felt so alone and abandoned by everyone. We spent a lot of time on the phone and I did my best to cheer her up, but at the end of that call I learned a few lessons:
You are never alone: Though sometimes life happens and it feels as though nobody loves you or cares about you, always remember that God loves you and there people who love you and pray for you and wish you well.
Depression is real: Depression is real; it’s a lie of the devil to beguile you into thinking of all the things that have and are going wrong in your life at the moment, making life seem so bleak and not worth living. It’s that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that feels like nothing will ever work for you, I know this because I have been through it and I can boldly tell you that help is just a prayer away. If you can’t say your thoughts to God, write them out or just sit there quietly in His presence and watch how quickly you will feel better. Worship songs are also a sure way of banishing the demons of sadness and ushering in the spirit of joy, so the next time those thoughts come, pray them away!
I’m sure you might be starting to wonder what the point of this post is, there is a point I promise and it’s that you’re never alone. If nobody calls you, call them or text them, reach out and don’t wallow in self pity. Having made my point it is time for me to sleep, and hey who else is as excited as I am that we get to watch Game of Thrones this Sunday?
“We have all known loneliness, and we have found that the answer is community.” –Dorothy Day
2 Replies to “I Am Not Alone…”
This is yet another reminder of why I connect to you so much. It feels like you just wrote out my life in a post. All you described happens to me way too often. Thanks for the reminder that I’m not alone because God is there and the fact that I can just pick up the darn phone and make a call. Sigh. You’re such a blessing Ada.😊
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