As much as I stutter and mix up my words, I always make one thing crystal clear especially when people point out an obvious flaw to me. Like my weight or my relationship status or anything they think might be wrong in my life. If you really think about it, do you honestly think I am unaware? Oh! Trust me, I am well aware and though you might mean well, the truth is I really don’t need you pointing it out to me, I’m living it, trust me I know.
Sometimes, friends and family blur the lines when it comes to personal space and boundaries. Yes aunty, I am aware of my age and I do want to get married but it just hasn’t happened for me yet!.. No random mum’s friend, there’s no correlation between my piercings or my tattoo and my marital status smh!
I remember some years ago when my younger sister got married, I cannot tell you how many well meaning aunties came up to me to offer words of assurance and prayers for a husband! Complete with fashion tips, Weightloss remedies and even Church programs. Helloooo! Here I was wondering how to find reliable wifi in Lagos to contribute to my discussion board and turn in my papers on time because I was still in school at the time, and they thought my most pressing issue was a groom?. I couldn’t even feel all the feelings that came with celebrating my sister, every tear or change of facial expression was scrutinized. I couldn’t be too happy or too sad or too anything and that was an unbelievably painful thing to have to endure during what was supposed to be a really happy time in my life.
And then there’s the body shaming. Early this year a darling friend of mine got married and I caught the bouquet. When the MC asked me to go up to the gazebo to meet my friend and her husband, he had his back to me but then he turned and said:” I said single ladies, not single mothers” implying that maybe I wasn’t sexy enough to catch the bouquet? Guess he heard the collective gasps and murmurs from the crowd concerning his crude joke and he went ahead to apologize profusely but he had said what he said, what did the apologies matter? The notion that many plus sized girls including myself are single because of our weight is insane and downright hurtful! Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and we all deserve happiness despite what society says, I love my body, numerous flaws and all. It took me a long time time to get here and I’ll be damned if I let people and their opinions make me feel less than I should. I know this seems like I am ranting or being overly sensitive or even beating a dead horse but the truth is that words hurt. And too many insults are dished out with LOLs and Just kidding and most times they sincerely aren’t funny. A lot of people struggle with their bodies and self image so a few carelessly spoken words can crumble an already shaky self esteem.
As for being 30 and unmarried, time and chance will happen to us all and like a puzzle, with time everything will fall into place. Before you make that cruel joke, or offer unsolicited advice or point out flaws that I and other girls like me are painfully aware of, ask yourself: is it really my place to talk like this? If the tables were turned will I Want to hear this? If I had a daughter, would I want anyone to speak to her like this? Life is hard enough, let’s not make it harder!..
Abum onye uwa mgbede..- I am an evening child. My mum says this a lot, in her interpretation it means that in her life, things haven’t always happened for her at the time it happened for her peers, there have been some slight hiccups along the way but when they finally happened? Oh! It was a thing of beauty. I think I’m a bit like my mum in that aspect and a little delay doesn’t mean denial. When it is time, every single thing will fall into place.